Choosing your focus...

^"1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."  Colossians 3:1-4

^"4 Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal."  Is 26:4


 Circumstances are the most distracting things in the world and attitude is absolutely crucial in the middle of a battleground.  Because we are called by God to be conformed to the image of His son, we are in a battleground.  Our enemy's primary targets are our children, our marriages, our calling. 

This morning, (for that matter, this whole week) has been a struggle, and the battleground has been in my mind.  It's a battle to decide whether I'll be looking at the pain of my circumstances or the provision of My Lord.  This time it truly is a heart battle.  It's about my attitude.  Do I believe I am loved or that I am useless?  Who do I believe? 

What I believe is dependent on where I focus.  This morning, my Father's message was "Watch Me."  There have been moments today that were hard, moments that were productive.  In the end, He wins a little more each day.  It's good enough for now. 

This decade's prayer

Letting go into a leap of faith...

Over the last decade, I've had the same prayer:

"Lord, I know I'm capable of a lot, but it is nothing in comparison to what You can do.  What I can do will never be enough.  I need You to do what You can do." 

I was born with great abilities.  My biggest struggle growing up has been figuring out the difference between what I could do and what I should do.  I have a better idea at 42 of what God has called me to, but mostly I've given up looking for a calling.  I do what the Lord says to do (as well as I can).  I trust Him and He leads me.  He sends me work.  He sends me people to pray for and tells me what to pray.  He hears me when I call, calms my fears and quiets me with His love.  He is amazing and I look forward to an eternity of exploring the depths of His presence. 

In the meantime, in answer to my prayer, He has placed me more than once in the position where I couldn't do anything.  He has lead me directly into situations that were beyond my capability to complete and left me hanging, waiting for Him to do what only He could do.  It hasn't stopped being frustrating.  It also hasn't stopped being amazing. 

For instance, my body doesn't do what it used to.  My kids take more attention.  So, I lost my job--the job He provided.  He pushed me almost immediately into creating a company.  It was almost 6 months before I had any work for my company, but in the meantime He provided good research work through UF and increased my husband's income by about 25%.  (He's having to learn to trust too).  I keep having to do things I don't think I can do and He keeps making up the difference. 

I don't trust in my own abilities to do anything of any consequence any more.  Only the work He does lasts--or even works for that matter.  Obedience isn't as much of a chore, it is the key to a spectactular adventure.  I can't wait each day to see what He's going to do next.  As with any other adventure, it's not always safe, but He's good and trustworthy. 

I don't know what's next, but I know Him and that's enough...

Waiting

I don't know what to write today...

Lord, what will You provide for others?  I will wait.


Yesterday was not the first time that I have sat awaiting the Lord.  There have been days that all I knew was that His presence was real and at rest, but that I was to await His priorities.  It is a still feeling.  A calmness ensues; an eager expectancy that awaits His work.  It is accompanied by another understanding--a deep, disquiet about moving out of the position He has placed me. 

This understanding has come at a great cost.   Far too many times, I have disregarded His direction to my great dismay.  The consequences have been dire.  When I act during the time I should be waiting, it is only because I don't fully trust God to act and that is disaster--just ask Sarah and Abraham. 

The acronym PUSH is so appropriate--Pray Until Something Happens.  My grandmother used to tell us, "Don't move anything you haven't first moved with prayer."  If nothing else, as we try to move the world back to something upright before Him, it is His job to align us in the position that will be the most effective.   A boulder resting at the top of a hill will move with only a small push if it comes from the right position.  Pushing it sideways won't do much and it might be hard to find just the right place on a very large boulder.    Within the process of waiting and praying, I often find that my prayers dramatically change.  What I first asked for would have been wholly inappropriate, but God reordered my prayers during the time I waited. 

Wait upon the Lord...He is worth the wait.

Hearing God's Voice, 123...

^"2 But the one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. ³ The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴ After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. ⁵ They won’t follow a stranger; they will run from him because they don’t know his voice."...¹⁴ “I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me"  John 10:2-5,14

Recognizing Jesus's voice is the birthright of every Christian, but it doesn't come automatically.  Just as a baby learns to recognize the voice of his mother, we have to actively work to learn the voice of our Heavenly Father.  One of the best ways to learn to hear God's voice is through the Bible.  A good friend of mine, uses a journaling process she calls 123 to teach people how to hear God's voice and it's probably the best process I've seen to date. 

1.  Write in the journal the date, time and scripture passage you're reading that day.
2.  Read the passage, paying attention for what God wants to say to you.  It is God's word.  It is living and active and He will use it to speak to you.  When you find what He wants to say, paraphrase it in your journal as if He is speaking it directly to you (because He is!!)
3.  Write a prayer of response back to Him.  You can tell him what you are going to change because of what He has spoken into your life, or describe to Him how it changes the way you see the world, or you can just write a prayer of gratitude. 

If you can, keep the journal close to you all day and meditate on it throughout the day.  Keeping your conversations with God in a journal is powerful and helps you see what kinds of themes God is using with you over time.  It's amazing to look back and see how God has changed you and what He has brought you through. 

If you want to meet my dear friend, Linda Meyers leads a Bible Study for women called LIFT (Ladies in Fellowship Together) every Wednesday night at 6:30 at First Baptist Church, Winter Garden. 

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Collage by Altered Angel

A few days ago, I wrote about taking every thought captive.  David frequently fought depression and fear, yet his actions rarely showed his inner struggle.  Throughout the Psalms, he gives us great examples of how to take our thoughts captive.  One of the best examples is in Ps. 42 and 43.  The chorus of the song always comes back to:

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. 

David recognizes that his emotional state is temporary so he disciplines his thoughts to return to the good times before God rather than staying in a place of agony.  Even when his thoughts return to his pain, he drags them back to memories of worship.  He meditates on the possibilities of worship in the future, turning that thought over in his mind again and again. 

During my own long seasons of depression, I remained in the Psalms for years.  There are 150 Psalms, which means you can read 5 a day every month or you can take 5 months to go through the book.  The 31st of each month I'd do a few stanzas from Ps 119--just because it is long.  The praise would lift my heart.  The cries of distress would echo my own aches.  Through it all, I would be continually reminded that God is good and recentering my thoughts on Him would yield fruit if I waited. 

It will yield fruit for you too...

Greed or Generosity?

Picture by J.P. Weesner

A friend of mine took this picture the other day and posted it saying, "Probably a lot of people who are confused as to why they are different directions."  He's probably right. Shopping can become an act of worship within our materialistic culture.  It becomes a greedy stuff-grab, particularly during the holidays or right before school starts.   

In reality, the Holy Land Experience is a Christian themed amusement park, complete with a replica of the Jewish Temple overlooking I-4.  The Mall at Mellenia is a very upscale mall, developed by friends of my parents at our church. 

Knowing that the mall was developed by a tremendously Godly family, one day as I was sitting in the mall, enjoying the ambiance, I wondered what it would look like to have a mall like theirs in heaven. 

Immediately the thought that the Father downloaded was that it would include everything you could ever imagine and more--and all of it would be free.  However, there was one delightful catch: You could only pick out items for someone else.  Everything about Heaven will be about giving.  Can you imagine such a delightful place?  It would be Christmas every day.  Anyone who has ever gone to a toy store to pick out a toy for their deeply loved child knows the excitement of finding something perfect for them and the anticipation of waiting to see their face when they open it. 

It reminds me of an old church illustration.  Two groups were invited to a banquet at the palace.  It was a great honor and they were all on their best manners.  When they arrived, each group found that their places were set with 4 foot long forks.  None of the guests could bear to give up their manners and eat the delicious feast with their fingers.  The first group sat at the table and cried because they couldn't eat a bite with such implements.  The food looked delicious and their hungry stomachs growled.  The second group hesitated for a minute and then joyfully set about enjoying the feast.  What was the difference?  The second group quickly figured out that they could easily feed each other across the table.  It was even fun aiming for their neighbor's mouth and there was great laughter all around.  The first group only thought about feeding themselves and went hungry.  It always works that way.  Proverbs 11:25 says,

"The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed."

It may take a tremendous amount of trust to believe that what you give away will come back, but it's worth it.  I wish the joy of great generousity on you and your family today!

Crazy life...

Like most families, we are adjusting to the new school year with some bumps in the road.  I apologize for my spotty posts of late.  PJ and Kate start next week, but we started doing a developmental repair program for PJ this week that takes about 3 hours each day.  I've scheduled every activity and spread them out through the day, but it's a lot of work on top of school.  The specialist that put the program together recommended strongly that we take him out of school and homeschool him this year.  I'm not ready to do that, but I understand why she would recommend it. 

On top of all of this we have nearly every evening booked through Easter.  We have two nights each week that are tentatively roped off for family time.  The nice part about this is that I know what I'll be doing.  I have margin planned, but not a huge amount. 

I have come to love the freedom and spontenaity of the way God has been using me over the last few years.  I have loved that I have room in my schedule for interruptions.  Saturday night, my husband, John actually brought my own words back to me, reminding me that interruptions are people--I almost cried. 

Now, I guess I get to see how God works when life is busy.  I could be terrified that He will forget me. I'm more terrified that I will forget Him in the busy-ness He has orchestrated.  I can't do this without Him.  I know He is so present with me now--can He be just as present and guiding when there is no room that I can see for His interruptions?  I didn't want to have it that way.  He has wedged me here. 

I've made intentional choices in line with the priorities He has for our children and family.  I've talked over every commitment with John and he agrees they are all important--not just good, they are God priorities and He hasn't shut the door on any of them.  I've even turned down opportunities for ministry that I'd love right now because I just can't take on anything more.  Nearly all of the new commitments within my family fit within the schedule we've had for the last year.  Maybe I will still have all that spontenaity and I just don't know it yet.  

A this point I have a choice for fear or faith.  My heart is not comfortable with this--it feels like stretching.  I choose to trust that He will do far more than I could ask or think. 

What makes me a good steward of my belief...

A friend asked today: "I would like for you all to weigh in on what makes anyone a good steward of their belief."  This is a really good question.  The verse that immediately came to mind is this: 

"I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day."  II Timothy 1:12  (it's even a song...that's why I have it memorized in King James--Sorry for the antique language.)

To me, being a good steward of Biblical Christianity is pretty well summed up in this verse:

1. I know the One I have believed.   I also know He is Holy and I am not. I cannot live up to His standard of Holiness any more than I could jump the Grand Canyon. I am not worthy of being in relationship with Him but He has made a way.  Therefore, I know Him more intimately than I know my own husband and He knows me even more intimately than that.  My stewardship involves daily, consistently cultivating that relationship by seeking Him for myself. 
2. I am pursuaded He is able.  I have seen by experience that He is trustworthy.  I continue to choose to trust Him.  I am also pursuaded that I am not able.  No good works of mine could erase my inability to be fit to be in relationship with Him without something to bridge that gap.  I don't just feel guilty.  I am culpable before a living God who has the right to demand of me complete perfection to be in His presence.
3. He is able to keep all that I have committed unto Him.  Since I cannot remedy this predicament, I have committed myself and my fate to His remedy.  To the best of my ability, I have committed all I have and am to His Lordship.  I am a part of His Kingdom because I choose for Him to be King in all of my affairs.
4. Against That Day.  There is a day for which I have had good reason to be afraid.  One who loves infinitely is also infinitely injured by the abuses I have caused to those He loves.  True love requires justice.  I should be held accountable for that which I have done that isn't consistent with His love for others--even if it's just missing the mark.  That is the definition of sin--missing God's mark.  Biblical Christianity recognizes this.  The fair wages to be paid for sin are death (I John 1:9).  I was created to be in relationship with God and my snubs of Him and His standards are worthy of death.  Jesus had no penalty to pay for himself and was therefore able to pay the wages for what I have done, along with the rest of humanity.  It is a free gift and includes both eternal life and adoption into His own family.  Of course, as a part of the family, there are house rules--some of which I can't yet keep--but I deeply want to.  As a dearly loved child, I desire to become like my beloved Daddy.  I obey out of profound gratitude for all He has done for me.   Obedience is only possible because He has given His own Holy Spirit to write His law on my heart in the context of an ongoing intimate relationship.  I do have the option to follow the poem Invictus, choosing to be the "master of my own fate", and God will allow that choice.  He will not force Himself on us.  He has created a place where He Is Not for those who want to be their own masters, but it is described as burning with the intensity of brimstone.  It is a place of intense lack, need and unfulfilment.  What else could it be since God is the source of all generosity, provision and good?  If it is true that we were created to be in relationship with God it also means being infinitely thwarted in the very purpose for which we were made.  It is, by definition, a lonely, selfish place created for demons who, after having seen an infinitely good God, have chosen their way over God's way. 

 This is the core of Christianity.  Being a steward of that belief means recognizing the free will of all men and the infinite workings of a soverign, fore-knowing God.  It means doing my best in the power of the Holy Spirit to give everyone I know the opportunity to see the nature of the created universe from the perspective of its Creator who is also my friend. 

It is the default position of the human heart to choose our own way rather than His way, particularly if His way hasn't been made clear and we don't understand the consequences of our own way.  Unencumbered by the facts, our own ideas seem right.  A disabled child might just think she can fly off her 3rd floor AC unit if she doesn't realize the laws of gravity will cause her pain when she hits the ground.  The law of gravity wasn't at fault and wasn't going to change just because she didn't understand it.  Thankfully, Jesus came to catch us, just like the bus driver who caught that little girl and suffered great injury in the catch.  It is their own choice to recognize the laws of the Creator or choose to see only themselves as the final accountability in their world.  Ironically, I don't know anyone who can even live up to their own standards, much less God's.   

People see it as proselytizing. I see it as reality check.  I hope that helps.

Taking thoughts captive, she is now free

Last night, I talked about guarding our hearts with a dear friend of mine.  She's been terrified of leaving her house since her abusive husband got out of jail.  Even though there is a restraining order and seeing her would mean a parole violation that would get him sent back to prison, she's still worried.  I can understand, but it's been over 18 months since she last saw him, other than in court and she is such a people person.  For the last few months, she's been doing her laundry in her bathtub even though she has terrible back pain. 

As we talked about her fears and hesitation, she first pointed out that it's painful to bend down to put her clothes in the washer and dryer.  We took that before the ultimate judge, our Heavenly Father, and He confirmed that this is, in fact, the case.  However, when we looked a bit closer at the issue, she also recognized that it's even more painful to do her laundry in the bathtub. 

Next, she pointed out that she felt ashamed and judged when people saw her hobbling around.  So we took that to the Father for judgement as well.  The first thing that He brought to her mind was that it shouldn't matter to her what they think.  What immediately came to my mind (and took my breath away) was the thought that if she wasn't there they couldn't see her and she couldn't see them.  There might be people who needed her. 

She remembered then how she would go everywhere on her scooter handing out tracts, witnessing to people, constantly telling them about Jesus.  She realized that her fears were probably demonic, encouraged by the enemy to keep her from witnessing as she had before.  At this, her entire perspective changed.  We even talked about what would happen if she saw her soon to be ex-husband.  She has often cried out that she didn't even get to say goodbye.  The last time she saw him, he was being carried off by the police for beating her nearly senseless, throwing her in the road in front of an oncoming car, then keeping her in his back seat as the police chased them around town.  She admitted that it would be disturbing to see him again, and I agreed.  But she also said that she could call 911, and I reminded her that she could say goodbye to him as she called 911. 

I left her with the quarters to do her laundry, explaining that she has a boldness to witness that I often wish I had.  Investing in her doing her laundry at her complex advances the Kingdom of God and is a good investment, as far as I'm concerned.  At that, she got even more excited. 

And I'm even more excited than she is to see the fruit of our labors together. 

Guard your heart

Over the years I've struggled with wide ranging emotions--exuberant, passionate highs and devastating, aching lows--and very little inbetween. 

I've researched conditions like bipolar and seasonal affective disorder (SAD) to try to understand why my heart is so volitile.  I'm not bipolar, but I share some of their traits.  I do struggle with SAD and at times it has been debilitating.  To some degree, I just understand that in February I have a delightful burst of energy in which I am enthusiastic, organized and creative.  Around August, I begin to slow and become critical so it's a good time for me to edit the work done in the fury of February.  By December I have to be cautious about my moods so I gently revel in the holiday festivities as a strategy to combat the peaking darkness in my mind.  I also take medication and nurture my body gently--some of the depression is a genetic issue that just won't go away without the support of some very gifted physicians.  In military terms, these are the air war strategies.

The ground war strategies include good old fashioned thought and attitude management.  II Corinthians 10:5 encompasses the heart of this strategy: 

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

That means I have a choice.  I can choose:

                 to be full of faith or full of doubt
                 to remain at rest or become frantic with fear
                 to notice God's peace or be overwhelmed by chaos
                 to be focused on the Father or focused on self

This is what it means to guard your heart.  It means guarding it from the attacks of the enemy, the criticism of well-meaning friends and your own insecurities. 

Still, there are times that my best efforts are insufficient to the task.  My heart often feels like the sandbox heart in the picture above, or worse it feels like the sand has been fused into solid, glistening glass--hard and brittle, with all the imperfections frozen forever into the matrix.  In those moments, I lean on this promise from Ezekiel 36:26:

 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

When I can't change my own heart, He promises that He can and does.  He tenderly loves me showering me with the compassion I don't even have for myself.

God is kind, but he's not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.  Romans 2:4

He loves me enough not to leave me in the abyss I have placed myself, but I still have to get my backside up, take His hand and walk out with Him.  It's hard work sometimes, but it works and I am grateful.

Thank You, Father!

Hurry Sickness

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.  II Peter 3:9

This morning a good friend from down the street was complaining about how rude it was for their behavioral therapist to show up late every week.  It took some time to explain, but a person who has to wait an infinite amount of time for a child to intentionally bend their will to hers has probably got to see time in a completely different way than one who runs an entire theme park (like he does). 

Yesterday I wrote about how gently the Lord condescends to my weak faith, gently teaching me that my trust in Him is not misplaced.  This morning He filled in a few more thoughts to chew on:

"You have set out to test me within the context of your business.  Am I not trustworthy?  I only delay to increase your faith.  I cannot always answer right away.  I often have other pieces that need to come together before I can provide—things that have nothing to do with you.  I need you to trust Me whether My answers come quickly or delay so that I am free to work in all of the hearts involved, in the same, gentle, condescending way that I work in you."

I often suffer from what John Ortberg calls "Hurry Sickness."  I want answers, and I want them now.  It's a subtle form of pride.  My priorities and timing are more important than anyone else, so they should get me what I want and get out of my way.  Unfortunately, sometimes I end up treating God that way too.  I want my heart to be at peace because I know everything is handled.  He wants to BE my peace and walk in relationship with me.  I would never say out loud that my priorities and timing are more important than God's priorities and timing, but that's exactly what I'm saying when I cry out like a toddler, "I want what I want when I want it!!!"  A toddler only cares about his own needs.  Maturing means thinking of others--and when I get in a hurry it's almost always because I've forgotten to care about what others need and the pace they need it. 

I want what You want, when You want it, Lord.  Thank You for teaching me to enjoy You in the wait--even when it scares me. 

Out of work, again?

I have to admit.  Trust doesn't come easy with Me.  The Lord works really hard to continue to win my trust--something He shouldn't have to do, but He condescends to my weakness. 

This week I turned in the final report draft to our review team.  As soon as I turned it in, John asked me if that means my job is over. The truth is that it probably does.  There will be a little more work but it will end soon. When I lost my job 17 months ago, I started a business and it's doing ok, but not great--we've done better than break even but it hasn't brought in anything close to the income I made before.  I got this job working for UF when I looked into do a PhD.  It's been a good research project and it's come out in a completely different way than it would have with a typical grad student straight out of school.  It's also been a small but steady income. 

Most of the time, I'm not all that concerned about that because I really do trust that the Lord will provide. When He asked me to go back to work, I went back on the condition that I would do what He sent me, but I wouldn't look for it.  That way things wouldn't get out of balance.  He's always sent me what I needed and we're doing ok. 

Just as a confirmation that He will provide, less than an hour after I sent the last chapter out, I received the contract I've been expecting for over a month.  Yaay!!  So what about the worry?  It's a continuing services contract--I need to have costly insurance for it and I have no idea if I'll get any work from it at all.  It's just a part of business and I knew I would need to do it at some point.  A contract is a contract--and a glimmer of hope for consistent work. 

Still, I'm human and My Father and Friend knows that at some point I could worry and I don't like to risk money.  Just so that I would really get that He has this all in His control, last night He set up another divine appointment:

As I went into the prayer room before the service, I felt a familiar divine stillness--He wasn't pressing me to pray about anything, just wait in His presence.  I could hear the worship time coming to an end but His presence wouldn't lift and allow me to go into join it.  After a little while, the same couple came in and joined me that had come a few weeks ago.  I prayed with them again and they chose to stay and just sit in the stillness with me.  I laid hands on his head to pray for him because he has frequent headaches.  Usually as God heals people when I lay hands on them I feel their pain and feel it release as He provides healing. It gives me a sense of compassion for them, shows me where to pray and sometimes even why they hurt.  This time, though I felt the Spirit's blessing on Him, I felt nothing else. 

We talked for awhile longer about the delight of seeing God work and at some point I mentioned that I happen to be a traffic engineer.  He mentioned his fears about a roadway that had been planned through a mobile home park he owns.  Before we parted, he asked for a business card.  There are many ways I could help him in the future, if he needs it.  Nothing is guaranteed, but I could easily recognize the nod from My Friend that He has my work life in His control.

Thanks!

I am an idoloter

Jimmy Needham

The other song we looked at in our Saturday night life group was Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham (what a great name!).  It talks about the things we put on the stage of our lives--the things we worship.  These lines really hit me then--and break me now:


Anything I put before my God, is an idol
Anything I want, with all my heart, is an idol
Anything I can't stop thinking of, is an idol
Anything that I give all my love, is an idol


I want no idols in my life and I truly enjoy spending time alone with Him in quiet listening for His whisper.  I loved the song, but blew it off a little because Jesus really is my passion--or so I thought.


Yesterday, my computer died (or at least fainted).  


If you want to know what a person's idols are, just take them away and you'll see pretty quickly.  It's my work computer and I was just getting ready to write the last chapter of the research I've been working on for the last year.  It's also where my journal is along with all my pictures.  It's where I come to God in the morning to soak in His word, receive encouragement from other Christians, and write out of what He has poured into my heart.  It's also where I play stupid, mind-numbing, time-consuming games, check out what's going on with people I barely remember from High School, and get crazy ideas from Pintrest.  


It's in the shop.  It's not likely to be genuinely terminal.  I'll probably get it back today.  Still, an engineer without a computer is naked (and yes, I had a spare--it's not the same).  


I John 1:9 says:  " If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  I am agreeing with God that this is an idol.  I am throwing myself on Him again, begging for forgiveness from my betrayal.  I desperately need His purification and He promises to give it.  That's what Jesus died for.  That's what grace is all about.


Thank You, Father and Friend...

The midnight call

For many years now I've given God the opportunity to wake me at night just to talk.  We have a signal system so that I can recognize the difference between my body and His call but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Last night He called again and His encouragement was sweet and thorough.  I needed it. 

Many might say that it is a sacrifice to give Him that time.  I've heard others who have chosen to ask God to get them up when their bodies are adequately rested so they can give Him the remaining time.  For me, I need to be still to hear the subtle things He desires to tell me.  He does occasionally shout over my day but I don't want to wait until He has to shout.  Those times are sweet and quiet, uninterrupted by the clutter and chaos of the day. 

I've heard people say that even though they've been a Christian for years, they still feel something is missing.  It's in those midnight rendezvous that the aching places in my soul are filled.  It's in those times that He shows me the places I've kept Him out and loves those places open.  Jesus made a habit of praying at night, sometimes all night.  Anyone who will try it out will find out why He did. 

The spiritual disciplines aren't individually that hard--they're just a long obedience in the same direction.  After getting into the habit, taking time with Him every morning and evening aren't a chore--they are a delight.  There are times that I'm struggling to obey or fighting His direction and it's in those times that it's a bit harder.  I can't tell you how many times I've awoken in the morning to realize I missed His call.  In those times I weep for the opportunity missed and He comforts me. 

I want to encourage you to test Him--there is nothing you can give Him that He won't return to you more full and powerful. 

Dreamscaping 12...Who does the work?

People always say silly things like, "God will never give you anything you can't handle."  They are thinking of verses like:

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."  I Corinthians 10:13

It sounds here like He won't give us anything we can't handle, and as far as temptation goes, the verse's promise is sure and true.  Some people then think it also means that God won't allow anything in your life you can't handle and that is absolutely not true.

God will always give you tests and struggles you can't handle--especially when you are following His dreams--because you aren't supposed to be the one who handles them.  He is.  God's dreams will always be God sized, not human sized and that means by definition we won't be able to do them. 

Jesus told us that His yoke was easy.  That's because He's pulling the weight.  If we are still working to earn something from Him, we're not carrying His yoke.  That doesn't just go for salvation, but for all of our life in Christ.  If we're the one working, then we're not relying on His work.  That doesn't mean we don't work.  That just means that we obey.  Hebrews 4 talks about it in detail: 

^"9 So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. ¹⁰ For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. ¹¹ So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall." 

He does the miracles.  We obey.  When we try to work it out ourselves rather than just simply obeying the next step God has put in front of us, we will fall.  The most we get to do is to walk beside Him and help, just as a toddler walks beside his dad to help.  If the toddler tries to do the dad's job he cannot help but fail and will probably hurt himself in the process. 

No more, "Me do it!!"

“O Sovereign LORD! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you!” Jeremiah 32:17 

Dreamscaping 11: Foolish Wisdom

^"25 This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength."  I Cor. 1:25

As dreamscaping happens, it's remarkable how often something that looks so foolish turns out to be the wisdom of God while what we would think was prudent is thoroughly foolish. 

Was it wisdom to place the future ruler of Egypt in stocks for most of his young adult life?
Was it wisdom to wait till Moses was 80 to start freeing his people from Egypt?
Was it wisdom to have David chased around the wilderness for many years waiting to be king?
Was it wisdom that God be born in a stable?
Was it wisdom for Jesus to pick the obscure and uneducated as disciples?
Was it wisdom for the leader and God of the universe to die?

God thought so.

Truly the insanity of God is more grounded than the practicality of man, and it is wonderful to behold.  We are truly wise when we begin to fathom how little we really understand about how the world works and what should occur.  It is at that point that we quit trying to run the universe and start asking God what His perspective is. 

All my life God has been indulgent of my questions.  I have always asked Him audacious questions like what is going to happen next or why do things happen this way?  Interestingly enough, He has always provided the answers quickly.  The answers have not always given me what I needed to know because I really didn't know what questions to ask.  For years, there have been times I've known at the core of my being what would happen, yet it wasn't as helpful as I thought it would be.  In the end, it always comes down to whether I will trust the foolishness of God or the wisdom of men.  I can't say that I've always made the right choices but as I grow older, I hope I'm better at that than I have been.  In my middle age, I'm still asking to go on my Daddy's shoulders and He still picks me up and hugs me on the way up.  For that I'm grateful. 

Doing the work....

While I was away at my parent's house there was nothing to do at church (and I don't sit still well without sitting still before the Father--and even that's hard) so I joined the prayer team again and God did some amazing things.  I wrote about that a few weeks ago. 

I've been thinking about praying before and during the service more regularly.  John leaves our lifegroup class early every Saturday night to usher and I thought it might be good to go to the prayer room when he leaves to pray before or during the service.  The Lord does such amazing things when we pray.  It slipped my mind a few times, but this week I remembered. 

I walked in to the room and there was a woman sitting in the shadows.  I asked if I could join her.  As I sat down next to her on the prayer bench, she began to quietly sob.  I wrapped my arms around her and we began to pray together.  The Lord was there with us and I got the delight of being His comforting arms for a woman very much like myself who is facing enormous personal crisis and equally amazing ministry opportunities.  It was a God ordained moment and a connection the Lord wanted to make that I had prayed for only earlier that day.  She even told me before she left that she had just been asking the Lord to send someone to give her a hug.  (wow!)

Sometimes the God things are just a matter of doing what you are called to do because you were called to do it.  Being in the right place at the right time is just a matter of a long obedience in the same direction.  It feels so ordained and yet so random--like an episode of Touch or Person of Interest (our latest TV addictions). What I love about both shows is that faithfully following what you know, though you may not understand, pulls the strings of coincidence into something ordained.  Only in this case, it's real and I personally know the one weaving the threads...

Thanks, Father!

Crisis and failure...

 
I have a dear friend who went through a serious crisis again this week.  She's experienced significant pain throughout her life, both physical and emotional, and it often erupts in gut-wrenching crisis without warning.  Early in our relationship I committed that I would hang in with her, knowing that it wouldn't be easy.  But, as a part of that commitment, I promised her that I would continually redirect her to Jesus as the source for her hope.  I know I have nothing to offer her that will fix her life.  It took her 49 years to get to this place.  Only God can get her out of it. 

This week, I failed her.  The crisis came in hot and fast.  It was life and death.  It was weeping and gnashing of teeth.  I managed the circumstances.  I worked the details.  There were a lot of details that needed addressing.  I thought I encouraged her family to support her, but found out later they only saw it as being pushy.  Worst of all, the closest I could do to draw her back to Christ was to ask her again if God is good (as she knows He is), and encourage her to choose loyalty to Him over trying to please her unpleasble dying father. 

Even more, in failing her, I failed myself.  Every time I've been able to bring her back to Jesus, it has also allowed me to release her back to His care for my own sake.  I have repented and released her again, but it makes my heart ache knowing that I only committed to do one thing and didn't do it well.  I spent time helping her that I needed to spend on my own home and family. 

I will learn better.  I will do better.  I will love my Lord and friend better. 

^"12 Not that I have already obtained all this or have already reached my goal, but I press on in order to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me his own. ¹³ Brothers, I do not consider to have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching out to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."--Phil 3:12-14

Peaceful chaos...

I love my parent's place.  It's a total mess and I probably could connect clutter with peace if I let myself.  Mom and my sister are occupied with VBS so my dad and I are hanging out at the house during the day working and occasionally talking.  It's a contented quiet.  

Kate snuggles with Grandpa

I am more grateful than ever that my parents raised us with a constant undercurrent of the Word in the presence of the Lord.  I wandered into the laundry room this morning and my mom had the phone app, Bible.is playing Genesis.  My dad picked up the iPad last night and he starts playing with a new app I downloaded, Fighter Verses, finding all the cool parts of it before I've even had a chance to look at it.  When I felt stressed last night, my mom started singing a song she had written last year about being at peace.  It's not fake or put on; it's a normal part of our lives.  Somtimes, after being away, it feels "goody-goody" but it's just the way they live--the way I live. 

Paul said in Ephesians 5:

"¹⁷ Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. ¹⁸ Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, ¹⁹ singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. ²⁰ And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." 

We've had plenty of people on my mom's side that have had issues with alcoholism or drug addiction.  It's never appealed to any of us.  We still struggle with normal addictions like food and "stuff", but even those are gradually fading, generation by generation.  When He gets that big a part of your life, He makes all other idols look like chopped liver.  It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen. 

Daddy, sandcastles and waves

“Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.” Psalm 103:13 NASB

Today my head hurts.  We've been at a workshop in Daytona for the last few days and I feel like I've been hit by a truck.  It was a good opportunity and I'm glad I went, but I didn't pace myself as well as I should have and now I'm struggling. 

The best part of the trip this week was that the kids got to spend time with their dad on the beach while I was in sessions. John and Katie love to build sand castles together. They aren't perfect but her dad loves them because he loves her and they get better every year. He watches her carefully keeping her from going out too far in the water or getting dehydrated. Neither one of them get sunburns, but he makes sure she has sunscreen anyway. He really is just about the best dad ever.

Last night, I spent several hours encouraging a friend in her own choice to quit smoking.  She was mad for the reminder at first but as we talked about how much God loves her and wants her free, she got victory over it for the night.  She was back at it again this morning.  I know this is a one day at a time thing for her so I'm not surprised.  I have plenty of those issues myself.  I'm so grateful that my Heavenly Father has so much compassion on both of us, even when we're not managing very well.  For her, it means the Father has left her with no money to buy smokes for the rest of the month.  For me, it's a miserable tummy ache when I eat too much.  It's a good compassion even when it leaves us uncomfortable.  He provides for our real needs and sits down with us to rebuild when our courage and stamina have been knocked down again by the waves of life--like so much sand.  There's no condemnation for our failure, we just start again.  We'll eventually make something more permanent but for now, just the time spent together rebuilding is worth it.