I am an idoloter

Jimmy Needham

The other song we looked at in our Saturday night life group was Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham (what a great name!).  It talks about the things we put on the stage of our lives--the things we worship.  These lines really hit me then--and break me now:


Anything I put before my God, is an idol
Anything I want, with all my heart, is an idol
Anything I can't stop thinking of, is an idol
Anything that I give all my love, is an idol


I want no idols in my life and I truly enjoy spending time alone with Him in quiet listening for His whisper.  I loved the song, but blew it off a little because Jesus really is my passion--or so I thought.


Yesterday, my computer died (or at least fainted).  


If you want to know what a person's idols are, just take them away and you'll see pretty quickly.  It's my work computer and I was just getting ready to write the last chapter of the research I've been working on for the last year.  It's also where my journal is along with all my pictures.  It's where I come to God in the morning to soak in His word, receive encouragement from other Christians, and write out of what He has poured into my heart.  It's also where I play stupid, mind-numbing, time-consuming games, check out what's going on with people I barely remember from High School, and get crazy ideas from Pintrest.  


It's in the shop.  It's not likely to be genuinely terminal.  I'll probably get it back today.  Still, an engineer without a computer is naked (and yes, I had a spare--it's not the same).  


I John 1:9 says:  " If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  I am agreeing with God that this is an idol.  I am throwing myself on Him again, begging for forgiveness from my betrayal.  I desperately need His purification and He promises to give it.  That's what Jesus died for.  That's what grace is all about.


Thank You, Father and Friend...

A living and active Word

I've been devouring scripture since I was a toddler.  My mom first started reading the Bible through with us when I was 2 and all that was available was King James (and not the New King James).  I have a strong auditory memory, so I've retained much of it, in the language it was first delivered to me.  I haven't intentionally memorized it, but I know it, nearly word for word.  It remains precious to me and I continue to devour it daily--to the best of my ability.   I have found it to be living and active--sharper than any two edged sword. 

Still, sometimes a new translation or a new season of life comes along and those old familiar passages take on a new vibrance--a new richness--and my heart is passionately enflamed again.  It's like walking the same familiar paths and finding them enrobed in a sunrise at spring when all is ablaze and blooming.  It was beautiful before but it becomes entrancing and makes me pause in wonder. 

For instance, Romans 5 is a familiar passage that I've heard all of my life (mostly in New International Version): 

Bok Tower Gardens

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

This is great stuff--talking about the way that God uses suffering to mold us into the character of Christ.  Here's Eugene Peterson's take on the beginning of Romans 5 in The Message:

"By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.  There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"  Romans 5:1-5

See how what was familiar stands out with a new vibrance?  Just the phrase, "passionate patience" will hang with me the rest of the day, inviting me to chew on it in great delight.  Just like the two pictures above, the same place moves from simply beautiful to extravagantly amazing. 

If your time with the Lord has become stilted or dull, try checking out a new version of the same passages.  Compare them side by side.  Let your mind and heart be stirred to see the nuances scholars have observed in the original text.  Be careful to listen as the Holy Spirit points out new words or phrases from the "same old, same old" passages.  Write down what He points out so you can meditate on it throughout the day and come back to it weeks later.  Let it stir you to reconsider what the Word means in your life.  

You may never be the same.

Overflow

My education pastor finds the coolest stuff...Last night we looked at how music can be a part of our quiet time.  He points out that lyrics are basically poems that contain deep truth in compact packages.  This one really hit me (I even bought it for myself):

She could have been spying on my own journals:

Fill my weak with strength
Fill my full with more
Fill my soul with hope
And fill my faith with Yours
I'm desperate for You...

 

 

Consume every part of me
For I'm missing nothing
The more I seek You I find that You are here

I see my weakness.  I see my fullness.  Together, they amount to nothing.  If I don't have Him, filling me to overflowing I am nothing.  I have feared every day that He would leave me to my own, substantial, devices--but it wouldn't be even close to enough.  Once you have tasted Him, nothing comes close. 

 

 

Over the last few months, the Lord has been gently reminding me that He is and has been here the whole time.  As desperate as I am for his resources, I have never been without them--I only needed to look up.  I am still frantic at times.  I am terrified I will forget and rely on my own resources.  He reminds me both in my journal time with Him and by the gentle orchestrations within my own life that He is always here.  He is always laying out good work for me to do and He is always providing the resources I need to do it.  I am beginning to exhale.  I am beginning to trust. 

It's about time.  

Failure is my own loss...but I can start again!

Ok, so it only took 2 days before I missed posting. No surprise there. My engineer training says I should be consistent and orderly. My innate nature says, Meh... Just cause I failed doesn't mean I'm going to stop (though I will take a day off during the weekend). 

I missed out on posting here, but I also missed out on my own time before the Father.  We spend time together all day, but I love having that special time with Him.  It was a long day and by the end of it I didn't have energy to do anything but play spider solitaire.  The Bible Gateway verse for this morning was:

“The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.” Habakkuk 3:19 NIV

How true.  That time I spend with Him first thing gives me the energy to finish strong.  Without time with Him first thing, the day feels like one sucker punch after another.  Missing out means I miss out on the strength I need for the day.  Still, Lamentations 3: 22-24 says:

²² The Lord’s lovingkindnesses ^[a]indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
²⁴ “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”

I love that He allows new starts.  All or nothing thinking can keep you discouraged. It's a process.  I am so grateful for His new mercies because they mean that no matter how many times I fail, I can restart.
 
What are you consistently failing at that you can restart anew?  Is it a diet (me too!)  Is it an exercise plan  (me too!) 

Morning Manna

I have neglected this blog for far too long.  As with morning manna, the Lord has promised if I stop and speak with Him every morning, He will provide what I need for the day.  He has reminded me that if I don't stop, I miss out.  This morning, I believe He is extending that to this place.  He has manna for you too (and please go to Him first to receive from His hand) but He gives overflow for me to give away if I will patiently go and pick it up each morning.  As with the Israelite's manna, it may not be there later and it will spoil if kept to the next day, so I'm going to try to bring it to you, even if it is small, each day. 
I have always loved thoughts.  Some kids go around the house humming or beating on things or zooming their little cars.  I played (and prayed) with ideas: 

• Why are we here? 
• Why are we so blessed? 
• What is our purpose and meaning?

I have sung and played and taught but it has still been only a venue for the innumerable thoughts that hum continually through my head.  Some teach, some minister through music.  I guess thinking is just what I do.  He often directs my thoughts, like a playground coach--sending me here and there to find the most precious jewels. 

This week as a part of my time with Him, He has required me to sit and feel.  I'll admit it's a new practice for me.  Mostly it has been a time to feel what I haven't wanted to feel, so it hurts a bit, but I feel so much lighter for the rest of the day.  It is delightful sweetness to feel it in His presence.  He tells me that my pain is precious to Him and that He holds all of our tears in a bottle. 

Try it for yourself.  I'd love to hear what He does with you...

Journalling and God's presence

Yesterday in staff meeting they asked how we deal with worry. God has really freed me of a familial tendency to worry over the last few weeks--at least it isn't as bad as usual. After our company president mentioned prayer as one answer, I noted that a prayer journal helps me to let things go and trust that God has heard and does answer.

Unfortunately, a few months ago my dog ate my journal--the elegant brocade binding chewed, the velvet cover slobbered on. For awhile I could still use it but without the backs it was getting harder to write. Gone was my normal routine. I wake up in the night frustrated or worried and I don't have my journal to pour my prayers into. God's presence has been no less real and his comfort has not abated, but it puts a cramp into my style. You think I write a bunch here...

This weekend I glued it back together and am using up the final 10 pages or so. It's a relief to have it back, but it's equally comforting that even when I'm robbed of my normal pathways to His presence, His lovingkindness (hessed) endures forever.

This leads me to the book recommendation for the week. One of my all time favorite books is Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas. In it, he discusses 9 different ways to worship and how we all by gift or by temprement favor some over others. As a contemplative, I prefer quietly meditating or writing in my journal. Of course, I have day's that my favorite worship pathway is tilting windmills. It's comforting to me that the God of all of those pathways will use whatever is needed to connect with us, even when our normal routines are trashed...which seems to be more routine than not.