Group Rules

Last night I started a class on the Connected Child.  It's about how to connect well and provide a healthy environment for kids (or adults) from hard places.  We were created to connect, but emotional connection is unbelievably difficult for many.  We instinctively reach out for others, but without someone to reach back, we don't learn connection.  It takes two to tango.

One of the things I found compelling were the class/group rules the teacher introduced near the middle of the class:

1.  Stick Together
2.  No Hurts
3.  Have Fun

The elegant simplicity of these rules belies their profound universality--(wow).  In a nutshell, these summarize and flesh out the second great command:  Love your neighbor as yourself.  The point of the group is to connect and learn connection, so we have to stick together.  We can't hang in together if we intentionally or carelessly hurt each other and we won't stick together if we aren't actively working toward having fun together. 

I'm going to find a way to post this in my home as the new home rules. 

My provider

Yesterday, I had a meltdown in the middle of the day.  No one was here.  I needed to consult with PJ's therapy director but I just couldn't bear the weight of my pain anymore.  I usually do pretty well in general.  I know the path I'm on.  It's not an easy one, but I know my life is going in the right direction.  I'm walking in obedience and it's just a matter of being disciplined enough to stay on the path.  Unfortunately, my dreams at night tend to trip me up a bit.  That's when I have to come face to face with the pain of this path in ways I can't blow off.  So I had a meltdown.

As I laid in my bed in the agony of brokenheartedness, the phone rang.  That meant that I had to get up.  The Lord sent a good friend to comfort and encourage me.  She knows the struggles I face.  She knows how painful they are.  She called just to listen and encourage.  It was important to know that I am not alone.  It didn't change the path.  It didn't eliminate the pain, but it did help me recenter on Jesus and carry on. 

After my friend picked me up off the floor, I was able to meet with PJ's therapy director who helped me prioritize his work and moved me forward in getting him help.  Last night, PJ had great victories to tell me about from school.  This morning there was a small crack in the issues that hurt me the most.  Even my dog came and gave me big sloppy kisses to comfort my heart.  One of my morning devotionals was right to the point as well, reminding me that until I get the core issue dealt with, these things will remain unbearable.  The catch is that the core issue isn't my issue, so all I can do to deal with it is continue to choose to starve it out, like starving out a cancer, until the Father can be allowed to remove it surgically. 

Sometimes the way we have to walk is not going to be easy.  James tells us:

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."--James 1:2-4

Ginny Owens once said in reference to this verse: "So there's going to come a day when I don't lack anything?!?  Well, it's not now!"  I'm not there yet either, but He promises we will get there.  In the meantime, my great Provider gives me all it takes to perservere. 

Thanks, Father!

Loving in Action

Ok, this is one I really struggle with.

My husband and I took Love Language tests years ago and although I am multi-lingual, his primary love language is acts of service.  That means it really touches his heart when I serve him well.  Unfortunately for him, I've always been a better engineer than housewife. At the moment, my dust bunnies are approaching the size of real bunnies. 

I've tried to shower John with the words of affection I deeply desire.  No impact.  I have sat beside him for hours playing online games with him.  Nothing.  I've tried finding gifts he'd like.  He complains about me spending money.  I've scratched his back for hours on end.  That makes a dent, but only just... 

I'm still trying.  Right now, the intoxicating fragrance of baking bread is wafting through the house.  I'm about to go fold another load of laundry.  The kitchen is still cluttered, but there are clear counters in most locations and they shine.  The sink is shiny too.  I'm going to keep trying.  It's the best I can do.  I could beat myself up, but I John 3 also says:

(v.20) If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

I know if I keep at it, My Father sees and He will reward me.  He knows how far I've come and how far I have to go.  In the end, He's the only one that matters anyway. 

And the bread is really yummy with home-made blackberry jelly.

Personal or Corporate Worship?? Yes.

The last section of Step 4 (Inventory) was about our church experience.  In many ways, I have very few issues ragarding the church.  I've been through several church splits and I'm not pain free, but for the most part, the church has been a place of ministry and encouragement.  As we discussed the topic, I realized that although I love my church, it really isn't a place I worship.  It's a place I serve, and I delight to see what God does as we work together.  I suppose, I worship as I rejoice to see what He does, but worship is rarely a part of my own experience there. 

Don't get me wrong, our church has an amazing worship team.  Not only are they unbelievably talented, they love the Lord and their worship is heartfelt and wonderful.  It's just that I have come to enjoy my own private worship time with the Lord so much.  That evening, when I wistfully pined to My Father, puzzled about "missing out" on the "experience" of corporate worship, He graced me with an amazing evening of passionate, graceful worship.  I felt a tinge of discomfort about being swept away in the emotion of the evening and feared the emptiness afterward, but there was none.  As a teenager, I often found that these passionate experiences would be followed by the day to day frustrations, and I felt unchanged.  I came to distrust these experiences for that reason, but my every day experience is very different than it was then.  The passion and power I experience (and need) continually has an intensity of its own that individual experiences cannot match. 

These day-to-day experiences with Christ, in the Word, in my own heart, in each and every moment do continually transform me.  I have serious trust issues.  Although my parents loved and cared for me, they were human and have failed me.  I've struggled to work in teams because I would often have to carry the majority of the burden because other team members couldn't keep up (or I couldn't let go).  John is human as well and although he is trustworthy in the practical affairs of life, he doesn't always know how to help me feel loved.  We have experienced great loss through the years and I have just as frequently let myself down.    Day by day, Jesus reveals Himself as trustworthy and little by little I learn to truly rely on Him.  As I let my guard down to Him, He comes through and His rescue is amazing and elicits my profoundest worship.  These are the worship experiences that transform me.  He has wooed me tenderly, gently in the way I my heart needs to let down its defenses.  I am smitten.  This type of worship has become richer through the years.  We have had breathless experiences together in the midst of thousands of worshipers.  We have had quiet moments in a dirty kitchen.  I'm loving every minute. 

Will you Believe God or suffer disappointment?

Saw this on facebook earlier today.  What is even more amazing to me is that it doesn't need a disaster for this to be true.  Once you really grasp the depth of the sacrifice He has made for us, it seems too good to be true. 

Someone gave me a book a few years ago entitled, Those who trust in the Lord will not be disappointed.  The point of the book is not that we will avoid disappointments, but that, in light of the immeasurable love of God, we will choose not to be disappointed.  We can choose not to be disappointed because we know God's end will not be disappointing.  Therefore, if the circumstances haven't come around for God's Glory (and our ultimate good) then God isn't done yet. 

Too many times, I mope because it looks like the end, when the end has yet to be.  Like I wrote a few weeks ago, one of the scariest things about finishing things (good or bad) is that it feels like there's nothing next.  This is silly because I know my God and I know that He is not done yet--but I still do it.  It's good to have the break inbetween the major projects God uses to shape our lives, but rather than resting peacefully in those lulls, we wonder what's coming next.  I'm still struggling with being at peace, no matter what the circumstances are--and I've been working on it for decades.  I'll admit I'm better at it than I have been, but I have a long way to go. 

Next time you are tempted to be disappointed, go back to God and ask for His perspective and look forward to a surprise.  Things may not be over yet.

Respected...

Yesterday I wrote about being loved, thoroughly, completely by God.  In some ways that's the easier of the two fundamental needs of the human heart.  Women need to be loved.  Men need to be respected. 

But how can one be respected by God--who is "no respecter of persons?"  He is God.  We are human.  We deserve no honor from God.  We are fallen, twisted wrecks of what He created us to be.  From a pragmatic point of veiw, respect is the last thing we deserve. 

What every man desires is deeply is to be respected, but that means respected for who he is on the inside; who he is capable of becoming.  Jesus came to rescue us, to rescue in us the potential for all we could be--to finally conform to the image of Christ.  Remember, that was the goal of making man in the first place.  God said, "Let us make man in our image."  Adam was the start, but he was not conformed to the image of Christ, so God isn't done making man yet.  Jesus Christ was the first man fully made in the image of God.  His sacrifice broke the chains of death, hell and our sin. He then sent His own Holy Spirit to live within us--to write His law on our hearts. 

This is the key--He died for us, not just because He loved us but because He knew what He will make us into.  He knew what we could become because it was what he made us to become--a partner suitable for Himself, made and conformed to His own image.  He made us for that and gave the life of his own Son--part of the God-head itself--to achieve it. 

If a company is willing to spend $1,000,000 training a valuable employee, that says a lot about the potential they believe that employee will have.  God was willing to expend his own life to finalize who you were created to be.  It is that kind of respect that God has for those He came to save. 

You are infinitely valuable to God.  He was, and is, self-sufficient, but as any Father does, He wants to pour himself into us out of His great love and expectation for what we can become.  Of course, as with anything with great potential, we have great potential to be like Him as He transforms us or to be unlike Him as we twist ourselves away from Him.  It is His great humility and patience with us that gives the room for greatness or villany.  It is our simple, innocent selfishness and self-sufficiency that is our primary danger. Our greatest risk is that we will make it on our own, never acknowleging our need for the God who made us so amazing--and in that success, seal ourselves into a horrific fate without the source of our very life, defeating our own purpose. 

Failure is the only option.  Recognition of our inadequacy and the lost potential He repurchased for us at great cost is the beginning of a new life.  We have to give up a life of our own for the the chance of fulfilling the life He has for us.  You will never have a more challenging assignment--a life that requires all you are and more. 

He respects you enough to demand it of you.  You have the choice to respect Him enough to give it to Him. Will you?

Loved

As I look through my prayer journals, there's often a theme that my Friend continually reiterates.  For many years, it has been "Trust Me."  In this season, it has been:

"I love you." 

Love Poured Out
Tracey Bautista

Every woman desperately needs to know she is loved.  She can do anything as long as she feels it deep down in her heart.  She can gently, softly move the entire world.  Without it, she is a hollowed out shell, going through the motions, "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." 

I am not immune.  I need it as much as any other woman.  We are derived creatures, formidible and amazing, but created for the purpose of serving others; created to be gratefully adored.  This need leaves us vulnerable as we seek for that life-giving love from those we serve.  This is the essence of codependency:  I will serve and care for you in return for the love that defines me.  I will torment you with my service if you cannot or will not fill the aching hole in my heart.  In the end, it destroys both the lover and that which she loves.  The truth is that no man, no family can provide the kind of love that she needs to fill her heart and overflow into truly unconditional service. 

Man and woman were created together to grow into the full stature of Christ.  Jesus could give without expecting anything in return because of the love that His Father poured into and over him.  Without that love pouring into me, I will pour out what little I have and be left aching.  With His love, I am complete.  It takes a complete love to fill me.  It takes Hesed--the loyal lovingkindness only Jesus gives. 

As a pitcher, I run dry.  As a pipe, I can't help getting wet.  That's why Paul encourages us to, "Pray without ceasing."  It is not for God's sake that we pray continually.  We pray continually because we constantly need to be in contact with the source of the love that keeps us soft and pliable.  We give out love and care all the time.  If we are not connected to the source to be renewed, we will run out long before the need runs out.  When I rush around my day without contact with the Holy Spirit, I end the day feeling drained.  When I move in concert with His presence, I am continually refreshed and fall asleep contentedly with praise on my lips.  I am the branch.  He is the vine.  Apart from Him, I can do nothing but wither and die.

Men have slightly different needs, but they need to be connected all the same.  I'll talk about that tomorrow. 

Thank You, Father, Friend and the Lover of my Soul.  You are my source and I enjoy You. Keep me near You today.

Crisis and failure...

 
I have a dear friend who went through a serious crisis again this week.  She's experienced significant pain throughout her life, both physical and emotional, and it often erupts in gut-wrenching crisis without warning.  Early in our relationship I committed that I would hang in with her, knowing that it wouldn't be easy.  But, as a part of that commitment, I promised her that I would continually redirect her to Jesus as the source for her hope.  I know I have nothing to offer her that will fix her life.  It took her 49 years to get to this place.  Only God can get her out of it. 

This week, I failed her.  The crisis came in hot and fast.  It was life and death.  It was weeping and gnashing of teeth.  I managed the circumstances.  I worked the details.  There were a lot of details that needed addressing.  I thought I encouraged her family to support her, but found out later they only saw it as being pushy.  Worst of all, the closest I could do to draw her back to Christ was to ask her again if God is good (as she knows He is), and encourage her to choose loyalty to Him over trying to please her unpleasble dying father. 

Even more, in failing her, I failed myself.  Every time I've been able to bring her back to Jesus, it has also allowed me to release her back to His care for my own sake.  I have repented and released her again, but it makes my heart ache knowing that I only committed to do one thing and didn't do it well.  I spent time helping her that I needed to spend on my own home and family. 

I will learn better.  I will do better.  I will love my Lord and friend better. 

^"12 Not that I have already obtained all this or have already reached my goal, but I press on in order to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me his own. ¹³ Brothers, I do not consider to have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching out to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."--Phil 3:12-14

Dreamscaping 6--God sized dreams need God sized love

“The LORD will work out his plans for my life— for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.” Psalm 138:8 NLT

  

This verse contains one of my favorite words in the Hebrew language, Hesed.  It is the essence of the love described in I Corinthians 13--the Love chapter.  I love that it's in this particular verse because it is His lovingkindness--His Hesed--that reassures me that God's dreams are worth pursuing, because He is the one who will work it all out. 

The cry of the psalmist is honest.  Sometimes, as we move forward into the planning stages for the dreams God has given us, it suddenly becomes obvious that God only does God-sized things.  Without Him doing it, it won't get done.  We get the joy of joining Him in it, but make no mistake:  only God does miracles.

 

 

He created us to join Him in the miracles He does, no less than He made Peter bold enough to ask to walk on water with Him.  Something strange happens then...we realize we've stepped into something much bigger than we can do--and it's scary.  That's when Jesus grabs us, pulling us out of the wind and waves that scared us and chuckles, "Why did you doubt?"  His tender mercies could never let us drown.  He made us for this. 

For those who love to read as much as I do, I have a couple of book recommendations:   

You Were Born For This and The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson.  Both are outstanding and talk candidly about the decions we have to make when we realize that this dream of God's is beyond what we can do. 

Clutter and love...

^"12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."  Col. 3:12-13

Today is the day to brag on my husband.
 
I have struggled with the "maintenance" issues of life (like decluttering and cleaning) for as long as I know.  More often than not, I just don't see it.  When I see a messy counter, I see a beautiful thing or two in the middle of a dozen decisions I don't know how to make and it freaks me out.  Now that I don't have full time work, I really want to have a beautiful, peaceful home, but it still eludes me.  I'm beginning to think it just isn't in my core competencies.  Only God would make your primary job the one you just can't do--so you can depend on Him to grow you through it. 

This morning, John gently pushed me toward the laundry room and kept throwing me back in there.  Was I kicking and screaming? No, but he did hug me whenever I asked for it with a puzzled look on his face.  Surely, the decisions in there should be easy in comparison to the rest of our world!

In comparison, yes.  Easy?  No.  

But they must be addressed.  He doesn't love the clutter.  He tends toward the gently OCD so it is a regular offense for things to get like they do.  Today he exercised Herculean feats of love (as he does every day) by making allowance for my faults and forgiving me while he gently pushed me toward a better pattern.  My heart rate hasn't quite gone back to normal, but there are a few surfaces you can see now.

Thanks, sweetie.