This decade's prayer

Letting go into a leap of faith...

Over the last decade, I've had the same prayer:

"Lord, I know I'm capable of a lot, but it is nothing in comparison to what You can do.  What I can do will never be enough.  I need You to do what You can do." 

I was born with great abilities.  My biggest struggle growing up has been figuring out the difference between what I could do and what I should do.  I have a better idea at 42 of what God has called me to, but mostly I've given up looking for a calling.  I do what the Lord says to do (as well as I can).  I trust Him and He leads me.  He sends me work.  He sends me people to pray for and tells me what to pray.  He hears me when I call, calms my fears and quiets me with His love.  He is amazing and I look forward to an eternity of exploring the depths of His presence. 

In the meantime, in answer to my prayer, He has placed me more than once in the position where I couldn't do anything.  He has lead me directly into situations that were beyond my capability to complete and left me hanging, waiting for Him to do what only He could do.  It hasn't stopped being frustrating.  It also hasn't stopped being amazing. 

For instance, my body doesn't do what it used to.  My kids take more attention.  So, I lost my job--the job He provided.  He pushed me almost immediately into creating a company.  It was almost 6 months before I had any work for my company, but in the meantime He provided good research work through UF and increased my husband's income by about 25%.  (He's having to learn to trust too).  I keep having to do things I don't think I can do and He keeps making up the difference. 

I don't trust in my own abilities to do anything of any consequence any more.  Only the work He does lasts--or even works for that matter.  Obedience isn't as much of a chore, it is the key to a spectactular adventure.  I can't wait each day to see what He's going to do next.  As with any other adventure, it's not always safe, but He's good and trustworthy. 

I don't know what's next, but I know Him and that's enough...

Waiting

I don't know what to write today...

Lord, what will You provide for others?  I will wait.


Yesterday was not the first time that I have sat awaiting the Lord.  There have been days that all I knew was that His presence was real and at rest, but that I was to await His priorities.  It is a still feeling.  A calmness ensues; an eager expectancy that awaits His work.  It is accompanied by another understanding--a deep, disquiet about moving out of the position He has placed me. 

This understanding has come at a great cost.   Far too many times, I have disregarded His direction to my great dismay.  The consequences have been dire.  When I act during the time I should be waiting, it is only because I don't fully trust God to act and that is disaster--just ask Sarah and Abraham. 

The acronym PUSH is so appropriate--Pray Until Something Happens.  My grandmother used to tell us, "Don't move anything you haven't first moved with prayer."  If nothing else, as we try to move the world back to something upright before Him, it is His job to align us in the position that will be the most effective.   A boulder resting at the top of a hill will move with only a small push if it comes from the right position.  Pushing it sideways won't do much and it might be hard to find just the right place on a very large boulder.    Within the process of waiting and praying, I often find that my prayers dramatically change.  What I first asked for would have been wholly inappropriate, but God reordered my prayers during the time I waited. 

Wait upon the Lord...He is worth the wait.

Timing

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint."
--Is 40:31

This has become a year of waiting.  I suppose that goes without saying when your word for the year is "dry dock"...  Still, it catches me by surprise sometimes. 

Today I went to the late service to help out with the prayer ministry.  All hands were on deck and it was a great time.  When it was over, I felt driven back to the prayer room.  I sat in the stillness again with no agenda, but without permission to leave.  God's presence was gentle but not overwhelming.  Several people came and left and I enjoyed seeing them, but as they left, I just stayed because the Lord wouldn't let me go.  I had a wonderful time reading and relaxing in the quiet with no idea why I was waiting. 

Eventually one of the other intercessors came in and we had a lovely time talking.  I don't see her often, but she is a true treasure.  She reminded me of things I already knew and told me about how God had rescued her life before she was even born.  I showed her nuances of how God works within her own story that she hadn't considered.  I asked her for prayer and she not only prayed over the work God is doing in my story right now, but also promised to include it in her own journals where she lists the things she regularly brings before the Lord.  I am deeply honored and my strength was renewed. 

Earlier today, the Lord reminded me that He rejoices on the rare occasions that I humbly obey just as much as I rejoice when Katie forms a full sentence on her own.  We are both handicapped.  Katie has speech delays; I am proud and easily morph into a human doing instead of a human being.  We are both learning to get beyond our limitations.  Waiting is a part of the cure for my pride and I'm beginning to really enjoy it. 

My God is good to me.

Perspective, II

Yesterday, I talked about eternal things, but there is one other thing that is eternal: what we do with God. The things we do for God won't last, but the things He provides for us to do will have eternal fruit. Check it out in I Corinthians 3:

"¹¹For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.
¹² Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. ¹³ But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. ¹⁴ If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. ¹⁵ But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames. ¹⁶ Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in^[d] you?"

If we build our own kingdoms, using the materials at hand, we can build something that that would be adequate to house ourselves, but inadequate to house God.  When placed on the altar, what we have built for ourselves will go up in smoke, obliterated by the sheer majesty of God.  A house built of gold, silver or precious stones is not what a man needs or wants, but anything less is unfit for God.  We also don't have access to those kinds of materials.  If we are to build such a mansion, we must get the materials for it from God or it will not be built.  We need to get the plans from God, because we don't know how to build with such materials.  We don't know how to do anything in the way He does it.  We can only follow and obey.  Even our good deeds, He views as filthy rags--the leftovers of what it talkes for us to reproduce ourselves.  The fact that we have any chance of working with Him at all is unbelievable. 

So what's it going to be?  Our kingdom or His?  We can be in His family and still build our own kingdom, but in the end, what will it prosper us?  Everything we've done will be destroyed on the altar and we will have nothing left.  I say "we" because it's an easy choice in general, but a hard choice on a moment by moment basis.  I have to fight to pick the right kingdom to build every moment of every day and choosing to build the eternal kingdom means laying aside my own building projects, including many of the projects that make me happy or comfortable.  I don't succeed at it every day.  I'm not sure I have ever succeeded at it for more than a few minutes, but just like praying continually, I'm not going to stop trying.  Or better yet, I am going to let Him have as much control as I can and rest in His ability to transform me into something usable because without His work, I have nothing to give.  With His power, there is no limit to what He can do.  

That's what I want...How about you?

Respected...

Yesterday I wrote about being loved, thoroughly, completely by God.  In some ways that's the easier of the two fundamental needs of the human heart.  Women need to be loved.  Men need to be respected. 

But how can one be respected by God--who is "no respecter of persons?"  He is God.  We are human.  We deserve no honor from God.  We are fallen, twisted wrecks of what He created us to be.  From a pragmatic point of veiw, respect is the last thing we deserve. 

What every man desires is deeply is to be respected, but that means respected for who he is on the inside; who he is capable of becoming.  Jesus came to rescue us, to rescue in us the potential for all we could be--to finally conform to the image of Christ.  Remember, that was the goal of making man in the first place.  God said, "Let us make man in our image."  Adam was the start, but he was not conformed to the image of Christ, so God isn't done making man yet.  Jesus Christ was the first man fully made in the image of God.  His sacrifice broke the chains of death, hell and our sin. He then sent His own Holy Spirit to live within us--to write His law on our hearts. 

This is the key--He died for us, not just because He loved us but because He knew what He will make us into.  He knew what we could become because it was what he made us to become--a partner suitable for Himself, made and conformed to His own image.  He made us for that and gave the life of his own Son--part of the God-head itself--to achieve it. 

If a company is willing to spend $1,000,000 training a valuable employee, that says a lot about the potential they believe that employee will have.  God was willing to expend his own life to finalize who you were created to be.  It is that kind of respect that God has for those He came to save. 

You are infinitely valuable to God.  He was, and is, self-sufficient, but as any Father does, He wants to pour himself into us out of His great love and expectation for what we can become.  Of course, as with anything with great potential, we have great potential to be like Him as He transforms us or to be unlike Him as we twist ourselves away from Him.  It is His great humility and patience with us that gives the room for greatness or villany.  It is our simple, innocent selfishness and self-sufficiency that is our primary danger. Our greatest risk is that we will make it on our own, never acknowleging our need for the God who made us so amazing--and in that success, seal ourselves into a horrific fate without the source of our very life, defeating our own purpose. 

Failure is the only option.  Recognition of our inadequacy and the lost potential He repurchased for us at great cost is the beginning of a new life.  We have to give up a life of our own for the the chance of fulfilling the life He has for us.  You will never have a more challenging assignment--a life that requires all you are and more. 

He respects you enough to demand it of you.  You have the choice to respect Him enough to give it to Him. Will you?

Gratitude Check

Around our house we have two "checks."  The first one is an attitude check.  When someone is giving me a bad attitude, I say attitude check and the appropriate response is "Praise the Lord."  The second is a gratitude check.  It works best when we're overwhelmed.  I say gratitude check and a number.  The person then has to say that number of things for which they are grateful.  You can't say anything you've said before (unless you really mean it in a different way this time).  Usually by the time the attitude check or a Gratitude check is finished, perspective is regained and there is enough peace to move forward. 

Today is the first quiet day with no kids at home and no paid work to do.  I've been going over the program for PJ's therapy this year that the neurodevelopmentalist created.  If I were to do it all, the program would take 4 hours each day.  Too much.  I've pared it down and shifted some things throughout the day, but I'm still pretty overwhelmed.  It's a lot to do and every bit of it is important.  On top of 7th grade, it feels like a monumental undertaking.  My friend just called and she may get evicted this week while she's halfway across the country and can't do anything about it.  Double overwhelm. 

There are so many verses that run through my head:

• "My God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in Glory." 
• "I have been abased.  I have abounded.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
• "With God, nothing is impossible."
• "All things work together for the good of those who love Christ and are the called according to His purposes." 
• "Fear not, little ones. It is the Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom."
• "All Your waves and breakers have washed over me."

Time for a Gratitude Check (7):

1. We know what's wrong with PJ and know what we can do about it.
2. Katie has good teachers and support staff and is doing as well as she can so she doesn't need a lot of attention right now.
3. Some of the work will overlap between the two kids--double benefit.
4. I'm not working full time in an office at the other side of town so I have the time to work with him.
5. I have time to organize a schedule and systems that will help keep us on track.
6. I am not alone--The Lord, My God, is my Father, my friend and my love.  He is with me and will help me do this.
7. I am trained as an engineer and know how to systematically break big jobs down into managable pieces.  I wasn't born that way, but I can do it because I have been trained to do it.

 Thank You, Father.  I trust You to help me do all I need to do.

Dreamscaping 15...praying and talking...

^" If you believe, you will receive whatever
you ask for in prayer."  Matt 21:22

Ok, as I looked for pictures for the blog, I stumbled on this beauty:

Busted.

As I talk about the ideas God has placed on my heart, I'm often trying to work out the plan in my mind, mulling over the details as I talk about it.  There are many times that the Lord brings clarity through many counselors--Pr 15:22 tells us that "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."  Still, our first and best Counselor is the Holy Spirit. 

It's easy to lean on human wisdom but it can become foolish if that's the primary wisdom we seek.  It's harder to hear what God has to say to us.  People are always happy to put their two cents in, usually whether we want it or not.  Listening for what God has to say has to be an intentional choice and it's a crucial part of prayer.  It requires the disciplines of being still and going to the Bible.  It requires closing our own mouths and opening our ears.  It's a lot of work--it is, in fact, the work of following Him.  Look closely at John 6:28 and 29:

²⁸ Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?"  ²⁹ Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”

If we really believe He is the one who does the work; He is the one who creates the plan; He is the one who puts the pieces in place--then the real work is just seeking out what He has already prepared. That kind of ministry life is one rife with miracles and God's handiwork. 

I've got work to do...