Enforced Rest

Yes, it's been a week since I posted anything.  This weekend my son had a Boy Scout camping trip and I went with him.  The stars were stunningly spectacular.  The kids had a blast.  I thought I rested.  Turns out my body didn't agree with me on that one. 

I arrived home with arms and legs of lead.  I've been working to get exercise into my days, but it's nothing like the 1/4 mile trip to the bathroom at the campsite.  We packed well and were well prepared for most of what Florida can throw at you, but Sunday morning, the temps were in the low 40's and I awoke to neck spasms.  (By the way, you can make hot packs from wet towels placed on top of an old-fashioned Coleman lantern.)

I didn't have time to rest much when I got home that day either.  By Monday, the cold and the extra exercise had me in a full blown Fibromyalgia flare up.  Every muscle and nerve in my entire body screamed at me.  I dragged out of bed and got Kate to school, but PJ wasn't feeling great either so we just stayed home.  I rested most of Monday and Tuesday, including a visit to my prayer partner for a massage.  Today, I asked God if I could get back to stuff (I really am a go-getter) and He said maybe tomorrow.   I'm cleared to do some writing and thinking, but not much more.  I would love to jump up and go finish my garden bed. It's almost done.  Instead, I'll go to church again tonight, but it's going to be slow going. 

I hate this.  More than once, my Lord has accused me of becoming a human doing rather than a human being.  I've always measured my self-worth by what I've accomplished.  I've stubbornly pushed my heart and mind to their limits, ignoring my body for years.  When He tenderly stops me, I chafe at His direction and discipline.  In the end, He has had to use pain to get me to recognize the folly of my frantic activity.  To Him, my value is not contingent on what I do and if necessary, He will make me unable to do anything to prove it. 

I laid in bed this morning and asked, "What can I do now?"  He said, "Pray and rest."  I am slowly learning that the rest preceeds action--the Hebrew day starts at sundown; the Christian week starts with our rest day; the Christian era started with Christ's death--the most passive repose a human could take.  It is during our rest that He acts on our behalf, preparing the way for the good works He has planned in advance for us to do.  To skip the rest is to skip ahead of His preparation.  Most importantly, it is in quiet and rest that He comes and shows us Himself.  I have climbed ladders as fast as I could only to find that the ladder rested on the wrong building.  When we rest with Him, He makes sure the ladder we climb is the one He picked out for us.  Our warfare become effective rather than shadowboxing. 

I don't know if He will ever heal me.  I hope I learn the lesson well enough that He can.  In the meantime, He has made space in my life for the unforced rhythms of His grace.  I trust His provision. 

Unexpected refreshment...

There are days when it seems like life is a wilderness and you have nothing before you but a barren dessert.  The last week or so has felt like that.  I know the way forward.  It is clear but difficult and lonely. 

I set aside yesterday to pray about it.  As I did, my gentle Father reminded me of the massage appointment in the middle of the day.  It has been our one remaining splurge and with two people in chronic low-level back pain, it's less of a luxury than a needed maintenance.  The Lord instructed me to ask her to join me as I prayed.  I explained the situation to her and we began to pray as she continued working on me.  This humble message therapist morphed into an intercessory giant before my eyes.  Her prayers joined with mine and were ferverent and Holy Spirit directed.  As she prayed, the Spirit provided new directions to ask and encouragement beyond what I could have imagined.  The Holy Spirit even used her to remind me of the work I need to be doing to publish some of what I've already written.  I left refreshed in body and spirit, with encouragement to stand strong and focus.  Before I went, I had a way in the wilderness, but I left washed and satisfied by rivers in the desert.  I have often been skeptical about the spiritual implications of message therapy--it is frequently bathed in new-age mysticism, but this was a new old thing.  She truly "laid hands on me and anointed me with oil" and had the spiritual maturity to do so as an elder.  We confessed sin and much was healed. 

I have wondered what to focus on, and this morning it became clear.  There is a lot of pain in my life and it's hard right now to see above it.  I awoke this morning with peace and praise in my heart, seeing nothing but Jesus' love for me and my overwhelming love for Him.  It has been a quiet and productive morning.  Where things could have been tense, God's presence made me complete and content. 

Thank You, Father.  You truly make all things new.

Suffering Myths 2--Exemptions...

Jeremiah, by Rembrant

Myth 2:  Committed Christians don't really suffer.  God either organizes their circumstances for the best or miraculously lifts them up so they can walk above it.

Malarky.

First, if God organizes our circumstances for our best then that will include growth opportunities, which will, by definition, include growing pains.  Childbirth hurts (believe me, my son PJ can tell you I know that all too well: he gets reminders often that he was worth all 32 hours)--and those are just the good things that hurt.  Pain is a gift that teaches us how not to injure ourselves or others.  That's why leprosy causes such devastation--leprosy deadens pain nerves and the patient destroys their own body without knowing it.  If you're alive, you're going to have pain. 

As for living above our circumstances, that's only partly true.  He does promise He will never leave or forsake us--that He will be with us, even to the end of the earth.  There was a time when I was really angry at God because I could feel how close He was to me, but I remained in debilitating pain and agonizing depression.  His love was just as real as my pain.  David, Jeremiah, Paul, and many others often cried out in tremendous pain--we know because their cries are critical passages within the Bible.  David often models the furious dance that acknowledges both extreme pain and God's glorious presence.  Jesus himself wept many times and was identified as a "man of sorrows, aquainted with grief."  Would God lift us above the pain from which He did not protect Himself? 

To the contrary, Jesus says:  "³³ I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”--John 16:33. 

A corrolary to this myth is that pain and suffering happens because of sin in our lives--also frequently malarky.  There are times when sin brings about painful consequences for us and those around us.  There are times we are blameless and suffering is just a result of the fallen world we live in.  There are times when, like Job, we suffer as a part of the spiritual battles that rage unseen around us.  There are times when God directly sends suffering into our paths as a tool to refine and change us. 

In the end, the question of "Why?" is less important than the question: "To what end?".  When we begin to try to partner with God through the pain, He redeems it as only He can--and the results can be so beautiful that it looks like God intended it, even when it's just His work-around.  In this way, every pain, every sorrow, every bit of suffering becomes an opportunity to display the glory of a God who can spin worthless, scratchy straw into gold. 

If you are still alive, you will have suffering.  Don't waste it. 

Suffering myth 1...

This morning one of our pastors, Jimmy Knott, preached on myths of trials.  He included one of my favorite pet-peeves.  Well meaning people will say silly things like, "God will never give you more than you can handle." 

I am here to tell you right now that this old saying is patently untrue.  First of all, life happens and we are not always up to it.  For a Christian, circumstances must first go through the fingers of our Heavenly Father, but He lets a lot through.  My dear friend, Steve Brown, has said in the past, "It may seem cold-hearted, but I believe that every time a pagan gets cancer, a Christian gets cancer so the world can see the difference."  Years ago, I made the choice that building the Kingdom of Heaven was worthy of my life and the lives of everyone I know and love.  Don't get me wrong, it's hard when your kid has a debilitating disorder or you have to face hardships, but if it brings Glory to God, that's what we're here for.  We don't get out of this alive anyway. 

God WILL intentionally give His adopted children far more than they can handle.  He expects us to do what He does and that is a lot more than we can do.  The Truth is that He will not give us more than HE can handle.  Part of why we're still here is to learn how to trust Him, rely on Him and work beside Him doing His work.  I Peter 1:7 tells is that the testing of our faith is more precious than purified gold and will bring the Father praise and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.  I want Him to be proud of me more than anything.  He's not going to be proud of me doing what I can take credit for.  He's going to be proud of things He does through me--only what He does lasts anyway. 

I can say for sure that the parents I've met with disabled or injured kids are really amazing folks.  I can also tell you pretty confidently that they didn't start out that way.  I wasn't called to be the mom of a child with Down syndrome or ADHD.  I was called to be Katie's mom and PJ's mom.  They have those disorders, so we address those issues one day at a time with God's direction, healing and planning.  He builds us up to the tasks before us as we rely on Him.  As I pray, the Lord sends strength, stamina and solutions.   I didn't get those things before I had the need.  I got them when I needed them.  I can share the solutions He has provided to spread God's Glory and so others will have what they need when they need it.  In the end, the best things I've gotten from all of this was the chance to know Him better.  That alone has been worth it. 

More than enough...

There was a time when I was in High School that I made a fatal error.  I was at the height of enjoying my Heavenly Father.  Ministry stuff was going great.  I was beginning to take college classes.  Despite all that was going right, my heart ached and I couldn't place why.  I wasn't a loner, but I was lonely.  I cried out to God one night that He wasn't enough--I needed people in my life.  What my heart was saying was that I needed a man in my life.  My dad was busy as a schoolteacher and I just didn't feel treasured by anyone.  Every woman needs someone to tell her she is beautiful, but instead of going to my Heavenly Father to meet that need, I assessed Him as inadequate to it.  I reasoned if it wasn't good for man to be alone, then how could a "derived creature" like woman be good alone. 

What came next was predictable.  Like the Israelites who demanded a King, God gave me what I asked for.  In His graciousness, He gave me a good man on the whole, but even a good man makes a terrible god.  He constantly demanded I prove my love for him and took great pleasure in pushing me farther and farther every time we met.  This continued into our marriage and became the nightmare anyone could have predicted.  He is still a good man but he is also still a terrible god.  He has wounds of his own and my need for a minor deity has often kept me from adequately tending to his wounds or holding him accountable for his own healing. 

Over the last year, I have renounced that vow within my own heart.  Jesus is indeed more than enough for me and any time I am tempted to think otherwise, I push harder into Him.  I continually find He is more than sufficient for my needs.  He reminds me that in His eyes, I am beautifully perfect and that He is perfecting all that concerns me.  He tells me that He has loved me with an everlasting love and that He has drawn me with unfailing kindness to Himself.  He rejoices over me with singing.  He has written my name in the palm of His hand. 

It's hard to dethrone a god.  Subtle fears and devotions must give way.  Rather than blindly doing all that he wants, no questions asked, I have to make choices about who I am going to honor.  I have to respond as a servant but an equal and a joint-heir to the inheritance of salvation.  I have to speak up when I am hurt rather than cow-tow or placate. 

Make no mistake.  It was my need for something that my husband could never be that placed us in such a horrible position.  We've been together for a quarter of a century and we won't get free of this problem overnight but we will get free. 

Father, I thank You for being my God.  Only You are sufficient to the task.  I again renounce any other gods I have placed before You and lay my heart at Your feet.  I trust You completely with my life. 

Satisfaction and multitasking...

"Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?  Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare."   “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord.  ⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. ¹⁰ As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, ¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty,  but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."  Is 55:2-3, 9-11.

It should not be amazing to me that God desires our deep satisfaction.  If anything it should amaze me that we are tolerant of so small a satisfaction.  What struck me this morning is that in the same chapter that the Lord chides us for our petty desires and offers to satisfy us fully, He also points out that everything He does multitasks by its very nature.  His solutions are what engineers call "elegant,"-- they accomplish many different things within one process or action and each accomplishment benefits the whole. 

Of course, my immediate thought had to do with simplifying my life.  As Alton Brown says, I only have one unitasker in my kitchen:  the fire extinguisher.  Having multiple purposes for everything means having less, or at least it should. 

Still, as the passage says, His ways and thoughts are higher than my ways.  I blurted out to him this morning, "This is why I keep asking You to do all You do."  At that point, He stopped me dead in my tracks.  He said, "No, you've never asked that before.  Ask it again."  I instantly realized that I have been asking to see what God can do, but I have never asked to see ALL that He can do.  I've been overwhelmed with what I have seen.  I'm a little afraid, but since He directed me to ask it, this is my prayer (and you can pray it with me, if you dare):

Lord, I would like You to do all that You can do with us, with our family, our home, our church, our community, our country, our world, Your kingdom.  We need Your grace for this.  We cannot do those things.  Only You can.  

Let me know what He does. You know I"ll keep you updated.

My provider

Yesterday, I had a meltdown in the middle of the day.  No one was here.  I needed to consult with PJ's therapy director but I just couldn't bear the weight of my pain anymore.  I usually do pretty well in general.  I know the path I'm on.  It's not an easy one, but I know my life is going in the right direction.  I'm walking in obedience and it's just a matter of being disciplined enough to stay on the path.  Unfortunately, my dreams at night tend to trip me up a bit.  That's when I have to come face to face with the pain of this path in ways I can't blow off.  So I had a meltdown.

As I laid in my bed in the agony of brokenheartedness, the phone rang.  That meant that I had to get up.  The Lord sent a good friend to comfort and encourage me.  She knows the struggles I face.  She knows how painful they are.  She called just to listen and encourage.  It was important to know that I am not alone.  It didn't change the path.  It didn't eliminate the pain, but it did help me recenter on Jesus and carry on. 

After my friend picked me up off the floor, I was able to meet with PJ's therapy director who helped me prioritize his work and moved me forward in getting him help.  Last night, PJ had great victories to tell me about from school.  This morning there was a small crack in the issues that hurt me the most.  Even my dog came and gave me big sloppy kisses to comfort my heart.  One of my morning devotionals was right to the point as well, reminding me that until I get the core issue dealt with, these things will remain unbearable.  The catch is that the core issue isn't my issue, so all I can do to deal with it is continue to choose to starve it out, like starving out a cancer, until the Father can be allowed to remove it surgically. 

Sometimes the way we have to walk is not going to be easy.  James tells us:

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."--James 1:2-4

Ginny Owens once said in reference to this verse: "So there's going to come a day when I don't lack anything?!?  Well, it's not now!"  I'm not there yet either, but He promises we will get there.  In the meantime, my great Provider gives me all it takes to perservere. 

Thanks, Father!

Don't stop praying too early...

A dear friend of mine is near the end of getting out of some serious financial trouble.  Her debt is going down, quickly, but those last little bits are getting to her.  She's mostly out of money and having to hold the line with her kids and it's hard.  God has done amazing things to get her here, but today--so close to the finish line--she was overwhelmed with a lack of peace about it that she couldn't explain.

As we talked through it, it was clear that at the pace God has been working, she would be free by the end of next week but she's got several things she needs to do and needs to do now.  As we prayed and talked together, this is what popped out of my mouth:

"God doesn't answer our presumption.  He answers our prayers."

She has been walking in trust and gratitude.  God has been steadily providing.  We both know He will provide eventually, but the lack of peace in her spirit is an evidence that God is not satisfied with meeting her need in a "run of the mill," "due course of time" way.  There must be something else going on.  God loves to provide in a spectacular way that leads to His Glory.  I fully expect God will wipe the debt out today as she prays. 

Too many Christians ask God once and assume that it's enough.  We are in a dynamic relationship with God.  Jesus encouraged us to perservere in prayer until we get an answer from Him.  That doesn't always mean we see the result, but it does mean that we perservere until He gives us the witness of the Holy Spirit's peace that He has provided all that He desires to provide.  At that point, there is no more need to pray, but until that point, there is danger in stopping.  Remember the time that Elisha told the King to strike the ground as a witness of how he will go out and strike his enemies:

¹⁸ Then he said, “Now pick up the other arrows and strike them against the ground.” So the king picked them up and struck the ground three times. ¹⁹ But the man of God was angry with him. “You should have struck the ground five or six times!” he exclaimed. “Then you would have beaten Aram until it was entirely destroyed. Now you will be victorious only three times.”--II Kings 13:18-19

I get the feeling from the way Elisha responded that the King should have known better but wasn't paying attention.  If God has more for us, then it's important to keep asking until we have gotten to where He wants our heart and not a step shy of that.  He loves us too much to let us be at peace until we are there.  Don't ignore that. 

This decade's prayer

Letting go into a leap of faith...

Over the last decade, I've had the same prayer:

"Lord, I know I'm capable of a lot, but it is nothing in comparison to what You can do.  What I can do will never be enough.  I need You to do what You can do." 

I was born with great abilities.  My biggest struggle growing up has been figuring out the difference between what I could do and what I should do.  I have a better idea at 42 of what God has called me to, but mostly I've given up looking for a calling.  I do what the Lord says to do (as well as I can).  I trust Him and He leads me.  He sends me work.  He sends me people to pray for and tells me what to pray.  He hears me when I call, calms my fears and quiets me with His love.  He is amazing and I look forward to an eternity of exploring the depths of His presence. 

In the meantime, in answer to my prayer, He has placed me more than once in the position where I couldn't do anything.  He has lead me directly into situations that were beyond my capability to complete and left me hanging, waiting for Him to do what only He could do.  It hasn't stopped being frustrating.  It also hasn't stopped being amazing. 

For instance, my body doesn't do what it used to.  My kids take more attention.  So, I lost my job--the job He provided.  He pushed me almost immediately into creating a company.  It was almost 6 months before I had any work for my company, but in the meantime He provided good research work through UF and increased my husband's income by about 25%.  (He's having to learn to trust too).  I keep having to do things I don't think I can do and He keeps making up the difference. 

I don't trust in my own abilities to do anything of any consequence any more.  Only the work He does lasts--or even works for that matter.  Obedience isn't as much of a chore, it is the key to a spectactular adventure.  I can't wait each day to see what He's going to do next.  As with any other adventure, it's not always safe, but He's good and trustworthy. 

I don't know what's next, but I know Him and that's enough...

Waiting

I don't know what to write today...

Lord, what will You provide for others?  I will wait.


Yesterday was not the first time that I have sat awaiting the Lord.  There have been days that all I knew was that His presence was real and at rest, but that I was to await His priorities.  It is a still feeling.  A calmness ensues; an eager expectancy that awaits His work.  It is accompanied by another understanding--a deep, disquiet about moving out of the position He has placed me. 

This understanding has come at a great cost.   Far too many times, I have disregarded His direction to my great dismay.  The consequences have been dire.  When I act during the time I should be waiting, it is only because I don't fully trust God to act and that is disaster--just ask Sarah and Abraham. 

The acronym PUSH is so appropriate--Pray Until Something Happens.  My grandmother used to tell us, "Don't move anything you haven't first moved with prayer."  If nothing else, as we try to move the world back to something upright before Him, it is His job to align us in the position that will be the most effective.   A boulder resting at the top of a hill will move with only a small push if it comes from the right position.  Pushing it sideways won't do much and it might be hard to find just the right place on a very large boulder.    Within the process of waiting and praying, I often find that my prayers dramatically change.  What I first asked for would have been wholly inappropriate, but God reordered my prayers during the time I waited. 

Wait upon the Lord...He is worth the wait.

Timing

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint."
--Is 40:31

This has become a year of waiting.  I suppose that goes without saying when your word for the year is "dry dock"...  Still, it catches me by surprise sometimes. 

Today I went to the late service to help out with the prayer ministry.  All hands were on deck and it was a great time.  When it was over, I felt driven back to the prayer room.  I sat in the stillness again with no agenda, but without permission to leave.  God's presence was gentle but not overwhelming.  Several people came and left and I enjoyed seeing them, but as they left, I just stayed because the Lord wouldn't let me go.  I had a wonderful time reading and relaxing in the quiet with no idea why I was waiting. 

Eventually one of the other intercessors came in and we had a lovely time talking.  I don't see her often, but she is a true treasure.  She reminded me of things I already knew and told me about how God had rescued her life before she was even born.  I showed her nuances of how God works within her own story that she hadn't considered.  I asked her for prayer and she not only prayed over the work God is doing in my story right now, but also promised to include it in her own journals where she lists the things she regularly brings before the Lord.  I am deeply honored and my strength was renewed. 

Earlier today, the Lord reminded me that He rejoices on the rare occasions that I humbly obey just as much as I rejoice when Katie forms a full sentence on her own.  We are both handicapped.  Katie has speech delays; I am proud and easily morph into a human doing instead of a human being.  We are both learning to get beyond our limitations.  Waiting is a part of the cure for my pride and I'm beginning to really enjoy it. 

My God is good to me.

Miracles...

Tonight, the sermon was on miracles.  Jesus came to show himself as God and he proved it through the miracles He did.  His miracles were both a sign, pointing out who he was and where the real source of power is, but also a window into a world rescued from the fall.  They pointed out where God was doing a new thing. 

Since we believe that God still does miracles, particularly when He is doing a new thing in our lives, our pastor invited people to come up and pray with our team of intercessors and pastors.  We have a great team and many of them came out on a Saturday night, even though they are usually only at church on Sunday morning.  It is such an unbelievable privilege to walk people boldly to the throne of God Himself, first to see the majesty of His face and then in seeing Him, rejoice at His willingness and power to meet their need and display His glory.

Several of the people I prayed with were clearly divine appointments.  One is a longtime friend who didn't even need to tell me what her heart was aching over, but at the Throne, the Lord provided a new avenue for prayer that will truly break open the situation.  Another was a person in tears who needs a new job and needs relationship repairs, but needs to know God is there with her far more than she needs the provision in her circumstances--I can understand that too.  The last one I prayed with was a mom who just wants her daughter to speak.  I can't even count the times my heart has broken wanting my own daughter to speak.  After we prayed, I was delighted to welcome her and her daughter to our Saturday night service, letting her know that her 8 year old will be just as welcome as my own 10 year old. 

This is the stuff.  There's nothing like it, short of spending time before His glorious face myself.   What a joy!  The real miracle is that He could use a proud, silly, over-educated slacker like myself to delight in His work, treasuring a role that is decidedly behind the scenes. 

Now we get to see what God gets to do with all we have asked.  My Father is amazing. 

Reminders

Years ago, I had the chance to go on a summer internship to Maine to do research.  We had only been married a few years and the thought of spending the summer over a thousand miles away from my home and husband was pretty daunting.  During that time, the Lord gave me a scripture to encourage Me as I went.  Every time I felt anxious, He would remind me of Phillipians 4:6-7: 

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Truly, His peace did guard my heart and mind that summer.  I arrived in Maine, teary eyed and a bit frightened, but to a world overwhelmed with spring blossoms.  Within a few hours the Lord had provided me with a church, a home and a family that I still treasure today (and since I had to bike 9 miles each day, by the end of the summer I was stunningly gorgeous.)

This morning, the Lord provided me with a new trigger for this season.  I frequently feel alone right now for many reasons.  I've also been trying for several years to walk continually in His manifest presence, not allowing His worship to cease in my heart--in essence, to "Pray continually." He reminded me of how powerfully He cared for my every need while I was in Maine because I was able to take every anxiety back to Him in complete trust that He would meet that need. 

In the same way, as I feel alone, He reminded me to use that feeling as a trigger to seek out His presence again.  I need those kinds of triggers.  His presence is the perfect comfort for my isolation.  In His presence, there is the fullness of joy.  I am at peace.  I can act rather than react.  It is the ultimate stability. 

Thanks, Father, Friend and my greatest Love...

Perspective, II

Yesterday, I talked about eternal things, but there is one other thing that is eternal: what we do with God. The things we do for God won't last, but the things He provides for us to do will have eternal fruit. Check it out in I Corinthians 3:

"¹¹For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.
¹² Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. ¹³ But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. ¹⁴ If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. ¹⁵ But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames. ¹⁶ Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in^[d] you?"

If we build our own kingdoms, using the materials at hand, we can build something that that would be adequate to house ourselves, but inadequate to house God.  When placed on the altar, what we have built for ourselves will go up in smoke, obliterated by the sheer majesty of God.  A house built of gold, silver or precious stones is not what a man needs or wants, but anything less is unfit for God.  We also don't have access to those kinds of materials.  If we are to build such a mansion, we must get the materials for it from God or it will not be built.  We need to get the plans from God, because we don't know how to build with such materials.  We don't know how to do anything in the way He does it.  We can only follow and obey.  Even our good deeds, He views as filthy rags--the leftovers of what it talkes for us to reproduce ourselves.  The fact that we have any chance of working with Him at all is unbelievable. 

So what's it going to be?  Our kingdom or His?  We can be in His family and still build our own kingdom, but in the end, what will it prosper us?  Everything we've done will be destroyed on the altar and we will have nothing left.  I say "we" because it's an easy choice in general, but a hard choice on a moment by moment basis.  I have to fight to pick the right kingdom to build every moment of every day and choosing to build the eternal kingdom means laying aside my own building projects, including many of the projects that make me happy or comfortable.  I don't succeed at it every day.  I'm not sure I have ever succeeded at it for more than a few minutes, but just like praying continually, I'm not going to stop trying.  Or better yet, I am going to let Him have as much control as I can and rest in His ability to transform me into something usable because without His work, I have nothing to give.  With His power, there is no limit to what He can do.  

That's what I want...How about you?

Perspective

We have so many things we think of as permanent.  Trees, buildings, classic artwork, mountains, the pyramids... 

Each of these last a long time, but there are things that God says are in a completely different category. 

"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever."
--Is 40:8

As long as these other things will last, God's word is promised to last forever, which is a lot longer.

Another thing that will exist forever is man.  Being created in God's image means that we are semi-eternal.  We have not always been, but we will exist into eternity.  That means that even a bum on the street will exist longer than the pyramids and even the earth itself.  The choices we make now--whether to submit our will and live with God on His terms or bow up against Him and live without Him--those are forever choices. 

I don't know many people that will willingly choose to give up their own will for anyone--especially not a God they haven't met, but it's a critical choice.  That's why it's so important to tell people about Him.  How will they know if we don't tell them?  How can they stop attempting to buy God's favor unless they're told it's already been bought for them?    All we can do is ask God for the opportunity to make Him known and gently, tenderly follow up on it.  We can tell our own stories of the amazing rescues God has crafted for us.  God will rescue them too.  It's not our job, but we can be a part of the process and rejoice to see the rescue. 

There's something else that is eternal, but that is for tomorrow...

He Comforts Us

 As a new parent, I was so attuned to my son, PJ.  There were many times I needed PJ to do things he didn't want to do and keep his cool at the same time.  We watched each other continually.  As he watched me stay calm, I could see it was easier for him to react calmly to his circumstances.  For example, when he was 5 years old, we had a string of 4 hurricanes that ran through our area, each within weeks of each other.  We had large trees in our back yard and these were serious storms, some of which lasted for days.  Our entire region was covered with blue tarps for the next 6 months or more.  We were in a 2 story house and for everyone's safety, we all slept downstairs.  We even pulled our queen size mattress down from our bedroom and slept in one of the hallways.  I watched the chandelier in our front entryway for hours as it swayed in the high winds.  To PJ, it was a gigantic family sleepover, complete with grandparents.  For months afterward, he would ask us if we could have another hurricane.  As he watched us closely, he could see that we weren't really worried and he didn't need to be either. 

 

I also watched him.  I knew where his emotional limits were and would adjust my attitude and responses to his.  I could see when he was getting truly upset and provide extra comfort to help him get through it.  Of course it was easier with only one.  (I didn't do so well with more than one...but I'm getting better). 

 

Our heavenly Father is such a great parent in that way too.  He watches us as if He has no one else to watch and He is careful to provide comfort to us when we're about to lose it.  But even more, when we watch Him as closely as our own children watch us, we quickly come to see that he is rarely upset and never out of control.  That engenders trust and we begin to react as He does.  I think I remember a verse about that...

 

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."  Ephesians 5:1-2

 

In the Garden, before the crucifixion, Jesus took time to seek out His Father's face and the Father sent the comfort he needed to make it through.  Even though Jesus knew what was going to be involved in giving up his life for us, he calmly went to the cross, "as a sheep to the shearers is silent."  Without seeking out God's face, that would be impossible for anyone.  There are parts of my days that would be impossible without going to God's face too.  I bet there are probably a few parts of your days that are that way as well...

 

In sickness and in health

This week has been a sickie week here.  I hung out in bed all day Sunday and a good chunk of yesterday.  PJ was home yesterday too.  I can't tell if it's an achy head cold or a nasty bout of allergies, but we are definately dragging.  We even stayed home last night--and I hate missing CR and PJ hated missing Boy Scouts.  We're still pretty sluggish and I don't know what the day brings.  I have some quiet work to do today but we may not do much more. 

In a marriage, we vow to care for each other in sickness and in health (kudos to John on that one).  We've both been struggling with low grade, chronic illnesses for years.  Of course, Katie also has Down syndrome and PJ has major developmental gaps (and that's just what we know about). 

Our relationship with Jesus is also not conditioned on our health.  In all of our struggles, our heavenly Father has been faithful and gracious.  He has frequently shown us where healing can be found, but even more, He is faithful even when we are sick.  Although we've had setbacks, we also choose continually to be faithful, even when we can't be well.  We also choose to be faithful when we are well--and rejoice in the strength to care for others.

We live in a fallen world.  Sickness happens.  We also "wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with principalities and powers."  We are in a war and although the field of battle may be our bodies, the most critical enemy is spiritual, not physical.  With Job, we can say, "Though He slay me, still I'll trust in Him." 

The other day on the way to PJ's school, the Lord reminded me that the coldest, cruelest people I've ever known were those who have never been touched by illness, fear, lack or discomfort.  At that moment, I rejoiced with the Lord over the infirmities that PJ has had and has seen in all of us.  An understanding of weakness breeds compassion and dependence on God--something that PJ shows frequently.  Had all gone perfectly, PJ might not know what it is like to struggle to learn or sit still and could have mocked those who are not so fortunate with no regard for their Maker. 

I would take those struggles away from all of us in a heartbeat if I could.  My Lord is wiser. I cannot imagine the pain He endures as He watches us suffer, but for the joy set before Him, He again endures it for our good.  I have asked for healing.  He has provided wise and compassionate souls rather than sound and secure bodies, though when His work is complete, He heals our bodies so that we may serve Him.  Again, I stand in awe of the severe mercies of my dear Friend. 

Thank You, Father, Friend and Love...

Personal or Corporate Worship?? Yes.

The last section of Step 4 (Inventory) was about our church experience.  In many ways, I have very few issues ragarding the church.  I've been through several church splits and I'm not pain free, but for the most part, the church has been a place of ministry and encouragement.  As we discussed the topic, I realized that although I love my church, it really isn't a place I worship.  It's a place I serve, and I delight to see what God does as we work together.  I suppose, I worship as I rejoice to see what He does, but worship is rarely a part of my own experience there. 

Don't get me wrong, our church has an amazing worship team.  Not only are they unbelievably talented, they love the Lord and their worship is heartfelt and wonderful.  It's just that I have come to enjoy my own private worship time with the Lord so much.  That evening, when I wistfully pined to My Father, puzzled about "missing out" on the "experience" of corporate worship, He graced me with an amazing evening of passionate, graceful worship.  I felt a tinge of discomfort about being swept away in the emotion of the evening and feared the emptiness afterward, but there was none.  As a teenager, I often found that these passionate experiences would be followed by the day to day frustrations, and I felt unchanged.  I came to distrust these experiences for that reason, but my every day experience is very different than it was then.  The passion and power I experience (and need) continually has an intensity of its own that individual experiences cannot match. 

These day-to-day experiences with Christ, in the Word, in my own heart, in each and every moment do continually transform me.  I have serious trust issues.  Although my parents loved and cared for me, they were human and have failed me.  I've struggled to work in teams because I would often have to carry the majority of the burden because other team members couldn't keep up (or I couldn't let go).  John is human as well and although he is trustworthy in the practical affairs of life, he doesn't always know how to help me feel loved.  We have experienced great loss through the years and I have just as frequently let myself down.    Day by day, Jesus reveals Himself as trustworthy and little by little I learn to truly rely on Him.  As I let my guard down to Him, He comes through and His rescue is amazing and elicits my profoundest worship.  These are the worship experiences that transform me.  He has wooed me tenderly, gently in the way I my heart needs to let down its defenses.  I am smitten.  This type of worship has become richer through the years.  We have had breathless experiences together in the midst of thousands of worshipers.  We have had quiet moments in a dirty kitchen.  I'm loving every minute. 

Why I love roses...

My mom's favorite:  Tropicana

If you haven't noticed yet, I absolutely love roses.  I've always loved them.  Other flowers were fluffy or plain, but nothing could compare to the beauty of a fully formed rose--at least in my eyes.  When we were little, my mom got the delight of pruning nearly an acre of roses each morning at the resort where we lived.  The fragrance was heady and rich.  The colors were stunning.  I loved everything about it--even though it was often a hot and thankless job. 



A Particularly Thorny Rose
Belinda's Dream

I love that roses have thorns.  I've used some varieties for security around my front door because of their needle-like stems.  Their beauty is not without danger.  I can relate.  As much as I want to be sweet, with untarnished, painless beauty, I've never been able to pull it off.  A lot of my best friends are that way too and I love them anyway, thorns and all. 

I love that they need pruning constantly.  The more you prune them, the more they bloom.  I need that kind of care regularly too.  Even though it hurts, it keeps me from getting leggy and out of hand.

I love that they need fertilizer regularly.  I do too.  The Word of God keeps me fed so that I can make more blooms. 

My Favorite:  Ronald Reagan

I love that they need water constantly but can't sit still in it.  I need the Holy Spirit constantly, but He doesn't let me sit still all the time, taking in His presence for my own sake alone.  He gives me plenty of opportunities to pour out into others to keep myself from rotting. 

Roses take a lot of sunshine--and so do I.  That was a hard lesson to learn, but it is good to know what your physical limitations are.

Here in Central Florida, my roses often have a habit of blooming in the most surprising times--I usually get a flush in January, near the time of the frosts.  God helps me bloom at strange times too, often catching me by surprise, to my great delight. 

The rose variety that does the best locally drops its leaves when they become diseased.  It doesn't hold onto its pain or sickness--it sheds it as fast as possible so that the disease doesn't affect the entire bush.  It's a wise practice. 

A beautiful Don Juan

Honestly, they have very little practical value.  I don't have them for their practicality.  I have them because they are beautiful--a visual reminder of the goodness of God.  Sometimes it feels like I have little practical value too, but the Father enjoys me even when I am not all that useful.  I am His child and that's enough.  I enjoy His presence and that is enough sometimes too. 

I've learned a lot from roses, and as my own rose garden can attest, I still have much more to learn.  There's a new bacterial infection in this area that I have yet to lick.  I've got my own illnesses for which I need healing too.  I know the Lord and I will get through both problems. 

What things have you found that teach you about our Lord?

Hearing God's Voice, 123...

^"2 But the one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. ³ The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴ After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. ⁵ They won’t follow a stranger; they will run from him because they don’t know his voice."...¹⁴ “I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me"  John 10:2-5,14

Recognizing Jesus's voice is the birthright of every Christian, but it doesn't come automatically.  Just as a baby learns to recognize the voice of his mother, we have to actively work to learn the voice of our Heavenly Father.  One of the best ways to learn to hear God's voice is through the Bible.  A good friend of mine, uses a journaling process she calls 123 to teach people how to hear God's voice and it's probably the best process I've seen to date. 

1.  Write in the journal the date, time and scripture passage you're reading that day.
2.  Read the passage, paying attention for what God wants to say to you.  It is God's word.  It is living and active and He will use it to speak to you.  When you find what He wants to say, paraphrase it in your journal as if He is speaking it directly to you (because He is!!)
3.  Write a prayer of response back to Him.  You can tell him what you are going to change because of what He has spoken into your life, or describe to Him how it changes the way you see the world, or you can just write a prayer of gratitude. 

If you can, keep the journal close to you all day and meditate on it throughout the day.  Keeping your conversations with God in a journal is powerful and helps you see what kinds of themes God is using with you over time.  It's amazing to look back and see how God has changed you and what He has brought you through. 

If you want to meet my dear friend, Linda Meyers leads a Bible Study for women called LIFT (Ladies in Fellowship Together) every Wednesday night at 6:30 at First Baptist Church, Winter Garden.