Perspective, II

Yesterday, I talked about eternal things, but there is one other thing that is eternal: what we do with God. The things we do for God won't last, but the things He provides for us to do will have eternal fruit. Check it out in I Corinthians 3:

"¹¹For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.
¹² Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. ¹³ But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. ¹⁴ If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. ¹⁵ But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames. ¹⁶ Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in^[d] you?"

If we build our own kingdoms, using the materials at hand, we can build something that that would be adequate to house ourselves, but inadequate to house God.  When placed on the altar, what we have built for ourselves will go up in smoke, obliterated by the sheer majesty of God.  A house built of gold, silver or precious stones is not what a man needs or wants, but anything less is unfit for God.  We also don't have access to those kinds of materials.  If we are to build such a mansion, we must get the materials for it from God or it will not be built.  We need to get the plans from God, because we don't know how to build with such materials.  We don't know how to do anything in the way He does it.  We can only follow and obey.  Even our good deeds, He views as filthy rags--the leftovers of what it talkes for us to reproduce ourselves.  The fact that we have any chance of working with Him at all is unbelievable. 

So what's it going to be?  Our kingdom or His?  We can be in His family and still build our own kingdom, but in the end, what will it prosper us?  Everything we've done will be destroyed on the altar and we will have nothing left.  I say "we" because it's an easy choice in general, but a hard choice on a moment by moment basis.  I have to fight to pick the right kingdom to build every moment of every day and choosing to build the eternal kingdom means laying aside my own building projects, including many of the projects that make me happy or comfortable.  I don't succeed at it every day.  I'm not sure I have ever succeeded at it for more than a few minutes, but just like praying continually, I'm not going to stop trying.  Or better yet, I am going to let Him have as much control as I can and rest in His ability to transform me into something usable because without His work, I have nothing to give.  With His power, there is no limit to what He can do.  

That's what I want...How about you?

Overflow

My education pastor finds the coolest stuff...Last night we looked at how music can be a part of our quiet time.  He points out that lyrics are basically poems that contain deep truth in compact packages.  This one really hit me (I even bought it for myself):

She could have been spying on my own journals:

Fill my weak with strength
Fill my full with more
Fill my soul with hope
And fill my faith with Yours
I'm desperate for You...

 

 

Consume every part of me
For I'm missing nothing
The more I seek You I find that You are here

I see my weakness.  I see my fullness.  Together, they amount to nothing.  If I don't have Him, filling me to overflowing I am nothing.  I have feared every day that He would leave me to my own, substantial, devices--but it wouldn't be even close to enough.  Once you have tasted Him, nothing comes close. 

 

 

Over the last few months, the Lord has been gently reminding me that He is and has been here the whole time.  As desperate as I am for his resources, I have never been without them--I only needed to look up.  I am still frantic at times.  I am terrified I will forget and rely on my own resources.  He reminds me both in my journal time with Him and by the gentle orchestrations within my own life that He is always here.  He is always laying out good work for me to do and He is always providing the resources I need to do it.  I am beginning to exhale.  I am beginning to trust. 

It's about time.  

Dreamscaping 13...What if I just give up?

I had a dream this afternoon that was frightening and heartbreaking. 

I was the student director from the High School for the lower grades choirs.  They were wiggly, impatient and not following direction.  I looked around thinking isn't there anyone else who can do this?  There seemed to be plenty of people in my own choir and in the choir I was leading (50+ kids each).  The adult directors told me as I tried to quit that there weren't that many coming up behind me that had the musical training to lead.  We also came to see that if I quit, then the praise coming from that group would cease which would disrupt the uninterrupted praise before the Father--with dire consequences.  For if the praise ceased, the oil of the Holy Spirit would cease to flow through us and His work would stop here.  I wept to know that there were so few to carry the load, not just because of my own exhaustion but because it was good work that should be shared. 

As I woke, I quickly realized that the dream had little to do about music, per se.  Our church's music ministry is marvelous and praises pretty regularly.  I believe it has to do with doing what we're called to do.  The place God has for each of us is unique and draws God's attention in a unique way.  If I don't do it, it may not get done because God may not have a backup plan for what He called me to do.  Remember, it was when Moses said, "Get someone else" that God really began to get irritated with him.  The verse that comes to mind is this one: 

“I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap in the wall so I wouldn’t have to destroy the land, but I found no one.  So now I will pour out my fury on them, consuming them with the fire of my anger. I will heap on their heads the full penalty for all their sins. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken!”  Ezekiel 22:30-31

What a heartbreak!!  All God was looking for was someone to intercede alongside Him (stand in the gap), through prayer rebuilding the wall of righteousness so that He could continue to protect the land.  If there was no one to pray for righteousness to be restored, there was no longer any way for that righteousness to be rebuilt and no hope for which the Lord could delay His wrath. 

Keep us vigilant to the call You have laid on us, My Father and Friend...

Dreamscaping 12...Who does the work?

People always say silly things like, "God will never give you anything you can't handle."  They are thinking of verses like:

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."  I Corinthians 10:13

It sounds here like He won't give us anything we can't handle, and as far as temptation goes, the verse's promise is sure and true.  Some people then think it also means that God won't allow anything in your life you can't handle and that is absolutely not true.

God will always give you tests and struggles you can't handle--especially when you are following His dreams--because you aren't supposed to be the one who handles them.  He is.  God's dreams will always be God sized, not human sized and that means by definition we won't be able to do them. 

Jesus told us that His yoke was easy.  That's because He's pulling the weight.  If we are still working to earn something from Him, we're not carrying His yoke.  That doesn't just go for salvation, but for all of our life in Christ.  If we're the one working, then we're not relying on His work.  That doesn't mean we don't work.  That just means that we obey.  Hebrews 4 talks about it in detail: 

^"9 So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. ¹⁰ For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. ¹¹ So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall." 

He does the miracles.  We obey.  When we try to work it out ourselves rather than just simply obeying the next step God has put in front of us, we will fall.  The most we get to do is to walk beside Him and help, just as a toddler walks beside his dad to help.  If the toddler tries to do the dad's job he cannot help but fail and will probably hurt himself in the process. 

No more, "Me do it!!"

“O Sovereign LORD! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you!” Jeremiah 32:17 

Dreamscaping and waiting...

"Until the time came to fulfill his dreams,
    the Lord tested Joseph’s character."
--Psalms 105:19

Two thoughts come to mind here...

1. Whose dream was it?  Was it Joseph's dream or God's dream given to Joseph?  Or both?

2.  Dreams take awhile. 

Continuing my series on Senior Dreamscaping, some may question, "If it was God's dream, why did it take so long?" 

When God gives a dream, it may involve work, but it's not you doing the work.  Since I'm not driving, it's easy to say, "Are we there yet?" 

God's work is more like pregnancy than a do-it-yourself project.  The dream may be implanted by the Father but it's yours to carry.  It's slow.  It stretches you.  It moves from uncomfortable to downright painful.  You are not likely to ever be the same.  You are tested by it and the test imprints itself on you. 

A dear friend of mine just had her third child.  We met every week throughout the time and I watched as she got big (early) and then bigger and bigger.  Her son had a nasty habit of stubbornly pushing on her ribs.  Before the baby came, she cleaned and prepared. That's really all she could do. Once it came, there was even more to do, but she still has no more control over her child's growth than when she carried it. The growth is God's to do.  The care is ours. 

She had wanted a natural childbirth, but ended up with a C-section--and the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck twice.  A natural birth would have killed him.  Things didn't work out the way she wanted--she knew it might not--but after all that waiting she had a wonderful son and it was worth every minute, every pain, every irritating shove. 

Neon Stop Signs

 "Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything."
Ps. 46:10 (MSG)

I think it's funny that my dear Friend would orchestrate this amazing verse to refer to my career, not just my life.  (I happen to be a transportation engineer and planner.)  It's as if he wrote a huge, flashing neon sign saying, "This means you!!"

Being still is not something I innately treasure, though it has become a delight as I grow older and busier.  Without time to take that long loving look at my Lord Jesus, I end up working like the devil--hurried, frantic and ineffective--"All sound and fury signifying nothing."  I look like I'm doing a bunch but nothing gets accomplished. 

That's when I have to make a choice:  Do I want to look good or be good?  Do I want to please men or God?  Proverbs 29:25 tells us the fear of man (people pleasing) is a snare.  When the boss shows up, people cry "Look busy!!" but that is a kind of work that just wears you out.  God's work is the kind of work that happens in pregnancy.  You do what you can and He does the real work.  That's what Jesus talked about when He said, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light."  It's not about image, it's about growing and stretching so that something vibrant and alive can be birthed in and through you. 

Father, I love Your stillness.  It gives me solid ground for standing and clarity of mind.  Thanks!

Going home...

Like many in the development industry, our company has struggled through this economic crisis. We've looked for new clients, spoiled old clients and done all we can to hang in there. Still, two weeks ago we had to let a huge number of people go. Some of them had great places to go; many of them didn't. We just didn't have enough work to keep them going. I'm sure few of them were surprised, but it doesn't make it hurt less for any of us. To avoid more layoffs and keep us at a level that we can still pay our bills, some of us were asked to go to a 32 hour work week--including me. I start tomorrow.

For me, this is a God-send. Since I went back to full time work two years ago, I've wrestled constantly with the fact that my kids need more than 2 hours of my time each day and the fact that an engineer is usually expected to keep lawyer's hours. My own boss is nowhere near that demanding, but I have expectations about what I need to be able to do the job well. I've read time management gurus talking about "crunching your can" (doing more because you set a tight time boundary and made your time more effective), but I don't know that it really works that way. Another part of the job is the connection between people. (whine, whine...)

The truth is, keeping track of two kids, both with their own special needs, is a full time job on its own. Even if they didn't have struggles beyond most ordinary kids, they deserve more than 2 or 3 hours a day from their mom. The deserve more than that from their Dad. It doesn't always work that way. Guilt is an ordinary part of parenting, but after awhile you really get down to the fact that you are just guilty, you don't just feel guilty.

People all over the world work hard; many harder than we do and for much less. Still, it seems like most of them get to do that alongside their kids and it makes it a little more sane. I love my children and I miss them. When you do head work, it's harder to find ways to include them in it. Dropping to 32 hours a week means that I can log the hard hours early in the morning a few days a week and pick them up myself after school every day. I still won't be able to be class mom or volunteer for field trips, but at least I'll be able to spend the 2 hours doing homework that they need and still have some time left to cook a healthy meal, teach them to keep a house straight or just have some fun. The money will be less, but that's ok. I don't know that we could break even without my work, but losing that 8 hours won't kill our finances and I'll get to enjoy this time in their lives instead of forever regretting missing it.

I have my hesitations. Will I get ignored or passed over? Maybe. Will people forget to give me work and cost me my job? Possible. Will I even be able to keep house at all? I didn't do that very well before...

After PJ was born, I had not planned on going back to work until they were in college. When the Lord convinced me that it was in His plan, I went back, but my agreement with Him was as follows:

You are the boss
You send the work
I do what you send
I'm not looking for work.

Part of my job description now is to look for work, so that last part has gone by the wayside, but the first three definately still hold true. I haven't run out of work, though I have come close at times. Even if I lose my job entirely, I know my God, my friend, will take care of me, though it may not be as comfortable as we are now. He still blesses my work but I'm delighted that He cares enough about my children to allow these limits that they need so desperately. We're going to be ok--probably even better than before.