Suffering Myths 2--Exemptions...

Jeremiah, by Rembrant

Myth 2:  Committed Christians don't really suffer.  God either organizes their circumstances for the best or miraculously lifts them up so they can walk above it.

Malarky.

First, if God organizes our circumstances for our best then that will include growth opportunities, which will, by definition, include growing pains.  Childbirth hurts (believe me, my son PJ can tell you I know that all too well: he gets reminders often that he was worth all 32 hours)--and those are just the good things that hurt.  Pain is a gift that teaches us how not to injure ourselves or others.  That's why leprosy causes such devastation--leprosy deadens pain nerves and the patient destroys their own body without knowing it.  If you're alive, you're going to have pain. 

As for living above our circumstances, that's only partly true.  He does promise He will never leave or forsake us--that He will be with us, even to the end of the earth.  There was a time when I was really angry at God because I could feel how close He was to me, but I remained in debilitating pain and agonizing depression.  His love was just as real as my pain.  David, Jeremiah, Paul, and many others often cried out in tremendous pain--we know because their cries are critical passages within the Bible.  David often models the furious dance that acknowledges both extreme pain and God's glorious presence.  Jesus himself wept many times and was identified as a "man of sorrows, aquainted with grief."  Would God lift us above the pain from which He did not protect Himself? 

To the contrary, Jesus says:  "³³ I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”--John 16:33. 

A corrolary to this myth is that pain and suffering happens because of sin in our lives--also frequently malarky.  There are times when sin brings about painful consequences for us and those around us.  There are times we are blameless and suffering is just a result of the fallen world we live in.  There are times when, like Job, we suffer as a part of the spiritual battles that rage unseen around us.  There are times when God directly sends suffering into our paths as a tool to refine and change us. 

In the end, the question of "Why?" is less important than the question: "To what end?".  When we begin to try to partner with God through the pain, He redeems it as only He can--and the results can be so beautiful that it looks like God intended it, even when it's just His work-around.  In this way, every pain, every sorrow, every bit of suffering becomes an opportunity to display the glory of a God who can spin worthless, scratchy straw into gold. 

If you are still alive, you will have suffering.  Don't waste it. 

Suffering myth 1...

This morning one of our pastors, Jimmy Knott, preached on myths of trials.  He included one of my favorite pet-peeves.  Well meaning people will say silly things like, "God will never give you more than you can handle." 

I am here to tell you right now that this old saying is patently untrue.  First of all, life happens and we are not always up to it.  For a Christian, circumstances must first go through the fingers of our Heavenly Father, but He lets a lot through.  My dear friend, Steve Brown, has said in the past, "It may seem cold-hearted, but I believe that every time a pagan gets cancer, a Christian gets cancer so the world can see the difference."  Years ago, I made the choice that building the Kingdom of Heaven was worthy of my life and the lives of everyone I know and love.  Don't get me wrong, it's hard when your kid has a debilitating disorder or you have to face hardships, but if it brings Glory to God, that's what we're here for.  We don't get out of this alive anyway. 

God WILL intentionally give His adopted children far more than they can handle.  He expects us to do what He does and that is a lot more than we can do.  The Truth is that He will not give us more than HE can handle.  Part of why we're still here is to learn how to trust Him, rely on Him and work beside Him doing His work.  I Peter 1:7 tells is that the testing of our faith is more precious than purified gold and will bring the Father praise and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.  I want Him to be proud of me more than anything.  He's not going to be proud of me doing what I can take credit for.  He's going to be proud of things He does through me--only what He does lasts anyway. 

I can say for sure that the parents I've met with disabled or injured kids are really amazing folks.  I can also tell you pretty confidently that they didn't start out that way.  I wasn't called to be the mom of a child with Down syndrome or ADHD.  I was called to be Katie's mom and PJ's mom.  They have those disorders, so we address those issues one day at a time with God's direction, healing and planning.  He builds us up to the tasks before us as we rely on Him.  As I pray, the Lord sends strength, stamina and solutions.   I didn't get those things before I had the need.  I got them when I needed them.  I can share the solutions He has provided to spread God's Glory and so others will have what they need when they need it.  In the end, the best things I've gotten from all of this was the chance to know Him better.  That alone has been worth it. 

My provider

Yesterday, I had a meltdown in the middle of the day.  No one was here.  I needed to consult with PJ's therapy director but I just couldn't bear the weight of my pain anymore.  I usually do pretty well in general.  I know the path I'm on.  It's not an easy one, but I know my life is going in the right direction.  I'm walking in obedience and it's just a matter of being disciplined enough to stay on the path.  Unfortunately, my dreams at night tend to trip me up a bit.  That's when I have to come face to face with the pain of this path in ways I can't blow off.  So I had a meltdown.

As I laid in my bed in the agony of brokenheartedness, the phone rang.  That meant that I had to get up.  The Lord sent a good friend to comfort and encourage me.  She knows the struggles I face.  She knows how painful they are.  She called just to listen and encourage.  It was important to know that I am not alone.  It didn't change the path.  It didn't eliminate the pain, but it did help me recenter on Jesus and carry on. 

After my friend picked me up off the floor, I was able to meet with PJ's therapy director who helped me prioritize his work and moved me forward in getting him help.  Last night, PJ had great victories to tell me about from school.  This morning there was a small crack in the issues that hurt me the most.  Even my dog came and gave me big sloppy kisses to comfort my heart.  One of my morning devotionals was right to the point as well, reminding me that until I get the core issue dealt with, these things will remain unbearable.  The catch is that the core issue isn't my issue, so all I can do to deal with it is continue to choose to starve it out, like starving out a cancer, until the Father can be allowed to remove it surgically. 

Sometimes the way we have to walk is not going to be easy.  James tells us:

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."--James 1:2-4

Ginny Owens once said in reference to this verse: "So there's going to come a day when I don't lack anything?!?  Well, it's not now!"  I'm not there yet either, but He promises we will get there.  In the meantime, my great Provider gives me all it takes to perservere. 

Thanks, Father!

He Comforts Us

 As a new parent, I was so attuned to my son, PJ.  There were many times I needed PJ to do things he didn't want to do and keep his cool at the same time.  We watched each other continually.  As he watched me stay calm, I could see it was easier for him to react calmly to his circumstances.  For example, when he was 5 years old, we had a string of 4 hurricanes that ran through our area, each within weeks of each other.  We had large trees in our back yard and these were serious storms, some of which lasted for days.  Our entire region was covered with blue tarps for the next 6 months or more.  We were in a 2 story house and for everyone's safety, we all slept downstairs.  We even pulled our queen size mattress down from our bedroom and slept in one of the hallways.  I watched the chandelier in our front entryway for hours as it swayed in the high winds.  To PJ, it was a gigantic family sleepover, complete with grandparents.  For months afterward, he would ask us if we could have another hurricane.  As he watched us closely, he could see that we weren't really worried and he didn't need to be either. 

 

I also watched him.  I knew where his emotional limits were and would adjust my attitude and responses to his.  I could see when he was getting truly upset and provide extra comfort to help him get through it.  Of course it was easier with only one.  (I didn't do so well with more than one...but I'm getting better). 

 

Our heavenly Father is such a great parent in that way too.  He watches us as if He has no one else to watch and He is careful to provide comfort to us when we're about to lose it.  But even more, when we watch Him as closely as our own children watch us, we quickly come to see that he is rarely upset and never out of control.  That engenders trust and we begin to react as He does.  I think I remember a verse about that...

 

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."  Ephesians 5:1-2

 

In the Garden, before the crucifixion, Jesus took time to seek out His Father's face and the Father sent the comfort he needed to make it through.  Even though Jesus knew what was going to be involved in giving up his life for us, he calmly went to the cross, "as a sheep to the shearers is silent."  Without seeking out God's face, that would be impossible for anyone.  There are parts of my days that would be impossible without going to God's face too.  I bet there are probably a few parts of your days that are that way as well...

 

In sickness and in health

This week has been a sickie week here.  I hung out in bed all day Sunday and a good chunk of yesterday.  PJ was home yesterday too.  I can't tell if it's an achy head cold or a nasty bout of allergies, but we are definately dragging.  We even stayed home last night--and I hate missing CR and PJ hated missing Boy Scouts.  We're still pretty sluggish and I don't know what the day brings.  I have some quiet work to do today but we may not do much more. 

In a marriage, we vow to care for each other in sickness and in health (kudos to John on that one).  We've both been struggling with low grade, chronic illnesses for years.  Of course, Katie also has Down syndrome and PJ has major developmental gaps (and that's just what we know about). 

Our relationship with Jesus is also not conditioned on our health.  In all of our struggles, our heavenly Father has been faithful and gracious.  He has frequently shown us where healing can be found, but even more, He is faithful even when we are sick.  Although we've had setbacks, we also choose continually to be faithful, even when we can't be well.  We also choose to be faithful when we are well--and rejoice in the strength to care for others.

We live in a fallen world.  Sickness happens.  We also "wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with principalities and powers."  We are in a war and although the field of battle may be our bodies, the most critical enemy is spiritual, not physical.  With Job, we can say, "Though He slay me, still I'll trust in Him." 

The other day on the way to PJ's school, the Lord reminded me that the coldest, cruelest people I've ever known were those who have never been touched by illness, fear, lack or discomfort.  At that moment, I rejoiced with the Lord over the infirmities that PJ has had and has seen in all of us.  An understanding of weakness breeds compassion and dependence on God--something that PJ shows frequently.  Had all gone perfectly, PJ might not know what it is like to struggle to learn or sit still and could have mocked those who are not so fortunate with no regard for their Maker. 

I would take those struggles away from all of us in a heartbeat if I could.  My Lord is wiser. I cannot imagine the pain He endures as He watches us suffer, but for the joy set before Him, He again endures it for our good.  I have asked for healing.  He has provided wise and compassionate souls rather than sound and secure bodies, though when His work is complete, He heals our bodies so that we may serve Him.  Again, I stand in awe of the severe mercies of my dear Friend. 

Thank You, Father, Friend and Love...

Will you Believe God or suffer disappointment?

Saw this on facebook earlier today.  What is even more amazing to me is that it doesn't need a disaster for this to be true.  Once you really grasp the depth of the sacrifice He has made for us, it seems too good to be true. 

Someone gave me a book a few years ago entitled, Those who trust in the Lord will not be disappointed.  The point of the book is not that we will avoid disappointments, but that, in light of the immeasurable love of God, we will choose not to be disappointed.  We can choose not to be disappointed because we know God's end will not be disappointing.  Therefore, if the circumstances haven't come around for God's Glory (and our ultimate good) then God isn't done yet. 

Too many times, I mope because it looks like the end, when the end has yet to be.  Like I wrote a few weeks ago, one of the scariest things about finishing things (good or bad) is that it feels like there's nothing next.  This is silly because I know my God and I know that He is not done yet--but I still do it.  It's good to have the break inbetween the major projects God uses to shape our lives, but rather than resting peacefully in those lulls, we wonder what's coming next.  I'm still struggling with being at peace, no matter what the circumstances are--and I've been working on it for decades.  I'll admit I'm better at it than I have been, but I have a long way to go. 

Next time you are tempted to be disappointed, go back to God and ask for His perspective and look forward to a surprise.  Things may not be over yet.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Collage by Altered Angel

A few days ago, I wrote about taking every thought captive.  David frequently fought depression and fear, yet his actions rarely showed his inner struggle.  Throughout the Psalms, he gives us great examples of how to take our thoughts captive.  One of the best examples is in Ps. 42 and 43.  The chorus of the song always comes back to:

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. 

David recognizes that his emotional state is temporary so he disciplines his thoughts to return to the good times before God rather than staying in a place of agony.  Even when his thoughts return to his pain, he drags them back to memories of worship.  He meditates on the possibilities of worship in the future, turning that thought over in his mind again and again. 

During my own long seasons of depression, I remained in the Psalms for years.  There are 150 Psalms, which means you can read 5 a day every month or you can take 5 months to go through the book.  The 31st of each month I'd do a few stanzas from Ps 119--just because it is long.  The praise would lift my heart.  The cries of distress would echo my own aches.  Through it all, I would be continually reminded that God is good and recentering my thoughts on Him would yield fruit if I waited. 

It will yield fruit for you too...

Good Gifts

"So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him." Luke 11:13

We always wonder why great Christians we know suffer, when God has promised that He withholds no good thing from us.  The most Godly woman I have ever known is now trying to raise her kids without their dad who's found someone else.  Another friend is pursuing God daily but has no transportation, can barely walk and now needs to be monitored daily for the condition of her congestive heart failure. 

As Sara Groves tells us on her latest commentary record, the only thing we can conclude is that the things that we think of as good things are not the same "good things" that God is thinking of.  Her song summarizes it so well.  Pain, thirst and lack are no measure of His faithfulness.  The greatest gift He gives us is Himself through the Holy Spirit. 

The change of the year

I love the way our holidays mark the end of the year. Thanksgiving provides an opportunity to review with gratitude what has happened through the year. December is a series of parties, events, gift-giving--all focused on connecting and reconnecting with the people around us. Christmas reminds us about Emmanuel--God with Us, regardless of what the commercialism does. This leaves us with a full week to reorder our thoughts, usually away from the pressures of work, and prepare for the year to come.

As I look back, I see that this has been a remarkably difficult year for us yet God is faithful and I am at peace (though that could be partly the anti-depressant--better living through chemistry!) For the first time in my life I truly trust God. So often in the past we would have a crisis and I would get to the breaking point where I would finally, stubbornly, trust God and He would come through. I've been there for a long time now. I'm learning the dichotomy acting as I rest in Him. It is frighting sometimes but I dwell with Him and that is enough.

PJ got braces today. He was not happy at all. Several times a day he comes up to vehemently avow his love and devotion to me, but for the first time today he asked me point blank, "Do you love me?" I could see that he was struggling with a mom that says and acts like she loves him but puts braces on him anyway. Surprisingly, I didn't feel the least bit hurt by the question--I understood where it came from. I always wondered if God understood when I needed reassurance or felt hurt because I still didn't trust Him. It is even more comforting to me to now understand first-hand how that works.

Thanks, Lord...