Wild Goose Chase

Ok, tonight I went on a wild goose chase.  I had ordered something as a part of a fund raiser and needed to pick it up in the next county.  It was a rough day for both of the kids so we stopped by at Nana's to give them a break.  Nana was free tonight so they got to spend the evening with her--which they loved, as always.  I, on the other hand, did not have a smooth evening.  I went to the place I thought the pickup was and couldn't find it.  Looked for hours.  Nothing. 

On the way home, I heard the Lord say, Wild Goose Chase.  It sure felt like one--a futile activity that profited nothing.  I've been reading the book, the Wild Goose Chase, by Mark Batterson.  His synopsis tells it all:

Celtic Christians had a name for the Holy Spirit–An Geadh-Glas, or ‘the Wild Goose.’ The name hints at mystery. Much like a wild goose, the Spirit of God cannot be tracked or tamed. An element of danger, an air of unpredictability surround Him. And while the name may sound a little sacrilegious, I cannot think of a better description of what it’s like to follow the Spirit through life. I think the Celtic Christians were on to something…

Although it felt like the evening was a waste, there were some great things that happened.  My son's attitude greatly improved from the "first day of school" grumpies.  On the way to Nana's, he told me he had pushed his ear-plug too far into his ear canal.  Instead of needing to go to the ER or an urgent care center, Nana got it out without too much trouble, since she's a retired nurse (Thank you, again, Nana).  Katie had the fun of winning at arm wrestling with her Pap-pap--and he got to push her into the pool. 

We can never know all of the intentions and actions of an omnipotent God.  There are times it seems like we do what we need to do or follow Him where He goes and it comes to nothing.  I've learned better.  I may not always be able to see what He's doing, but I know without a doubt He is active and has a reason for even my wild goose chases.  That's what it's like to live by the Spirit:

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."  John 3:8

If you want to go where the wind goes, you will need to chase it into some odd places, but that's ok because He's promised to never leave us.  For that I'm grateful. 

Crisis and failure...

 
I have a dear friend who went through a serious crisis again this week.  She's experienced significant pain throughout her life, both physical and emotional, and it often erupts in gut-wrenching crisis without warning.  Early in our relationship I committed that I would hang in with her, knowing that it wouldn't be easy.  But, as a part of that commitment, I promised her that I would continually redirect her to Jesus as the source for her hope.  I know I have nothing to offer her that will fix her life.  It took her 49 years to get to this place.  Only God can get her out of it. 

This week, I failed her.  The crisis came in hot and fast.  It was life and death.  It was weeping and gnashing of teeth.  I managed the circumstances.  I worked the details.  There were a lot of details that needed addressing.  I thought I encouraged her family to support her, but found out later they only saw it as being pushy.  Worst of all, the closest I could do to draw her back to Christ was to ask her again if God is good (as she knows He is), and encourage her to choose loyalty to Him over trying to please her unpleasble dying father. 

Even more, in failing her, I failed myself.  Every time I've been able to bring her back to Jesus, it has also allowed me to release her back to His care for my own sake.  I have repented and released her again, but it makes my heart ache knowing that I only committed to do one thing and didn't do it well.  I spent time helping her that I needed to spend on my own home and family. 

I will learn better.  I will do better.  I will love my Lord and friend better. 

^"12 Not that I have already obtained all this or have already reached my goal, but I press on in order to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me his own. ¹³ Brothers, I do not consider to have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching out to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."--Phil 3:12-14

Peaceful chaos...

I love my parent's place.  It's a total mess and I probably could connect clutter with peace if I let myself.  Mom and my sister are occupied with VBS so my dad and I are hanging out at the house during the day working and occasionally talking.  It's a contented quiet.  

Kate snuggles with Grandpa

I am more grateful than ever that my parents raised us with a constant undercurrent of the Word in the presence of the Lord.  I wandered into the laundry room this morning and my mom had the phone app, Bible.is playing Genesis.  My dad picked up the iPad last night and he starts playing with a new app I downloaded, Fighter Verses, finding all the cool parts of it before I've even had a chance to look at it.  When I felt stressed last night, my mom started singing a song she had written last year about being at peace.  It's not fake or put on; it's a normal part of our lives.  Somtimes, after being away, it feels "goody-goody" but it's just the way they live--the way I live. 

Paul said in Ephesians 5:

"¹⁷ Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. ¹⁸ Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, ¹⁹ singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. ²⁰ And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." 

We've had plenty of people on my mom's side that have had issues with alcoholism or drug addiction.  It's never appealed to any of us.  We still struggle with normal addictions like food and "stuff", but even those are gradually fading, generation by generation.  When He gets that big a part of your life, He makes all other idols look like chopped liver.  It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen. 

Clutter and love...

^"12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."  Col. 3:12-13

Today is the day to brag on my husband.
 
I have struggled with the "maintenance" issues of life (like decluttering and cleaning) for as long as I know.  More often than not, I just don't see it.  When I see a messy counter, I see a beautiful thing or two in the middle of a dozen decisions I don't know how to make and it freaks me out.  Now that I don't have full time work, I really want to have a beautiful, peaceful home, but it still eludes me.  I'm beginning to think it just isn't in my core competencies.  Only God would make your primary job the one you just can't do--so you can depend on Him to grow you through it. 

This morning, John gently pushed me toward the laundry room and kept throwing me back in there.  Was I kicking and screaming? No, but he did hug me whenever I asked for it with a puzzled look on his face.  Surely, the decisions in there should be easy in comparison to the rest of our world!

In comparison, yes.  Easy?  No.  

But they must be addressed.  He doesn't love the clutter.  He tends toward the gently OCD so it is a regular offense for things to get like they do.  Today he exercised Herculean feats of love (as he does every day) by making allowance for my faults and forgiving me while he gently pushed me toward a better pattern.  My heart rate hasn't quite gone back to normal, but there are a few surfaces you can see now.

Thanks, sweetie.