Unexpected refreshment...

There are days when it seems like life is a wilderness and you have nothing before you but a barren dessert.  The last week or so has felt like that.  I know the way forward.  It is clear but difficult and lonely. 

I set aside yesterday to pray about it.  As I did, my gentle Father reminded me of the massage appointment in the middle of the day.  It has been our one remaining splurge and with two people in chronic low-level back pain, it's less of a luxury than a needed maintenance.  The Lord instructed me to ask her to join me as I prayed.  I explained the situation to her and we began to pray as she continued working on me.  This humble message therapist morphed into an intercessory giant before my eyes.  Her prayers joined with mine and were ferverent and Holy Spirit directed.  As she prayed, the Spirit provided new directions to ask and encouragement beyond what I could have imagined.  The Holy Spirit even used her to remind me of the work I need to be doing to publish some of what I've already written.  I left refreshed in body and spirit, with encouragement to stand strong and focus.  Before I went, I had a way in the wilderness, but I left washed and satisfied by rivers in the desert.  I have often been skeptical about the spiritual implications of message therapy--it is frequently bathed in new-age mysticism, but this was a new old thing.  She truly "laid hands on me and anointed me with oil" and had the spiritual maturity to do so as an elder.  We confessed sin and much was healed. 

I have wondered what to focus on, and this morning it became clear.  There is a lot of pain in my life and it's hard right now to see above it.  I awoke this morning with peace and praise in my heart, seeing nothing but Jesus' love for me and my overwhelming love for Him.  It has been a quiet and productive morning.  Where things could have been tense, God's presence made me complete and content. 

Thank You, Father.  You truly make all things new.

Dreamscaping 16, Why plan?

At first glance, this verse is frustrating.  When I make plans, I want them to happen.  There's no guarantee in this verse that things will work out that way.  In fact, it almost implies the opposite--that we can plan all day long and our planning is futile in comparison to the purposes of God. 

I have noticed several things about plans. 

• I almost never end up following the plan perfectly.  The day gets a schedule and life happens instead.  The project gets a timetable and a task list and things intervene or the goals change.  
• Without a plan, nothing really happens.  When I get frustrated by the fact that the schedule didn't happen and give up on planning, nothing happens at all.  the day gets frittered away. 
• I don't always know what I really want.  I might set up objective benchmarks and plan steps to get my goals achieved, but too many times I've found myself climbing fast up a ladder that was on the wrong building.  A plan that goes perfectly to achive a bad goal is not a good thing.  A plan that goes perfectly to achieve a good goal when I'm supposed to be chasing a God thing is an even worse thing because it takes longer to figure out I'm on the wrong ladder.
• God has a plan and He doesn't always let me in on it and He rarely does one thing at a time--He is the ultimate multitasker.   Sometimes I can even see His plans and some of the reasons why He does things, only to find that He has a much wider scope in mind and is is working multiple plans toward multiple goals. 

That's one reason this verse ultimately becomes very comforting to me.  He doesn't chide us for having plans.  He encourages diligent, consistent planning as we partner with Him.  He makes plans.  He expects us to do no differently.  He even laughs at our plans when they are silly or when we're full of ourselves.  I haven't quit planning because His plans are better than mine.  I just try desperately to make my plans alongside Him in concentrated prayer and then hold my plans with a loose grip.  I don't want to miss out on His plan because I'm chasing mine--especially since my goal is to build His Kingdom, not mine. 

It also takes the pressure off my planning to some extent.  If it's His purpose that will ultimately prevail, I can mess things up pretty badly in my human weakness and innocent incompetence and He will still bring it together to accomplish the purposes He had in mind.  I don't want to miss out on being a part of His plan coming together for the best good possible so I plan and I plan carefully, but it wasn't My purpose that has to prevail.  Only His purpose counts and that's guaranteed. 

It's all good. 

Finishing well...

Today I finished the final draft for the last two chapters of the report I've been working on for over a year.  I struggle to finish anything.  I don't know why.  I've been trying to figure it out of months.  The report was due at the end of April, but the model wasn't working so we ended up getting a 3 month extension.  I'll have comments to address over the next few days, but the work is basically finished. 


I know my fears have something to do with the fear of the criticism that will inevitably come with the submission.  I like to please people and I hate it when I don't understand how to give them what they want.  Maybe I fear that I'll lose the meaning of my life when I don't have this to work on anymore--that feels closer, but not on target either.  There are so many times that the Lord places me where I need to be to do good work. 

When I went to the Lord, He told me that this is where I struggle with change.  Some people struggle when new things come along.  I struggle when old things end, particularly if I don't know what's next--and right now I don't know what's next.  I have to stand at the edge of this cliff, waiting and watching for whatever is to come along next.  I know it will come, but I feel more comfortable making progress than sitting still.  I've learned so much about being in the moment and trusting even when I can't see, but it's clear I still have a long way to go. 

I'm believing there is a picnic waiting for me at the edge of this cliff and that He and I will enjoy each other's company. 

Dreamscaping 13...What if I just give up?

I had a dream this afternoon that was frightening and heartbreaking. 

I was the student director from the High School for the lower grades choirs.  They were wiggly, impatient and not following direction.  I looked around thinking isn't there anyone else who can do this?  There seemed to be plenty of people in my own choir and in the choir I was leading (50+ kids each).  The adult directors told me as I tried to quit that there weren't that many coming up behind me that had the musical training to lead.  We also came to see that if I quit, then the praise coming from that group would cease which would disrupt the uninterrupted praise before the Father--with dire consequences.  For if the praise ceased, the oil of the Holy Spirit would cease to flow through us and His work would stop here.  I wept to know that there were so few to carry the load, not just because of my own exhaustion but because it was good work that should be shared. 

As I woke, I quickly realized that the dream had little to do about music, per se.  Our church's music ministry is marvelous and praises pretty regularly.  I believe it has to do with doing what we're called to do.  The place God has for each of us is unique and draws God's attention in a unique way.  If I don't do it, it may not get done because God may not have a backup plan for what He called me to do.  Remember, it was when Moses said, "Get someone else" that God really began to get irritated with him.  The verse that comes to mind is this one: 

“I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap in the wall so I wouldn’t have to destroy the land, but I found no one.  So now I will pour out my fury on them, consuming them with the fire of my anger. I will heap on their heads the full penalty for all their sins. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken!”  Ezekiel 22:30-31

What a heartbreak!!  All God was looking for was someone to intercede alongside Him (stand in the gap), through prayer rebuilding the wall of righteousness so that He could continue to protect the land.  If there was no one to pray for righteousness to be restored, there was no longer any way for that righteousness to be rebuilt and no hope for which the Lord could delay His wrath. 

Keep us vigilant to the call You have laid on us, My Father and Friend...

Dreamscaping 5...A dream becomes a plan

Nehemiah gives a great example of a dream becoming reality.  Here are some of the steps he experienced: 

Compassion: "They said to me, “Things are not going well for those who returned to the province of Judah. They are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem has been torn down, and the gates have been destroyed by fire.”  When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact, for days I mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of heaven. "  Neh 1:3-4

A need shared:  So the king asked me, “Why are you looking so sad? You don’t look sick to me. You must be deeply troubled.”  Then I was terrified, ³ but I replied, “Long live the king! How can I not be sad? For the city where my ancestors are buried is in ruins, and the gates have been destroyed by fire.”  ⁴ The king asked, “Well, how can I help you?” 

A Joint request:  With a prayer to the God of heaven, ⁵ I replied, “If it please the king, and if you are pleased with me, your servant, send me to Judah to rebuild the city where my ancestors are buried.” Neh 2:2-4

Team reconnaissance:  I slipped out during the night, taking only a few others with me. I had not told anyone about the plans God had put in my heart for Jerusalem. We took no pack animals with us except the donkey I was riding.--Neh 2:12

There's much more to seeing a plan come to fruition, but I love the way that God directs all that He leads us into...