Clutter and love...

^"12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."  Col. 3:12-13

Today is the day to brag on my husband.
 
I have struggled with the "maintenance" issues of life (like decluttering and cleaning) for as long as I know.  More often than not, I just don't see it.  When I see a messy counter, I see a beautiful thing or two in the middle of a dozen decisions I don't know how to make and it freaks me out.  Now that I don't have full time work, I really want to have a beautiful, peaceful home, but it still eludes me.  I'm beginning to think it just isn't in my core competencies.  Only God would make your primary job the one you just can't do--so you can depend on Him to grow you through it. 

This morning, John gently pushed me toward the laundry room and kept throwing me back in there.  Was I kicking and screaming? No, but he did hug me whenever I asked for it with a puzzled look on his face.  Surely, the decisions in there should be easy in comparison to the rest of our world!

In comparison, yes.  Easy?  No.  

But they must be addressed.  He doesn't love the clutter.  He tends toward the gently OCD so it is a regular offense for things to get like they do.  Today he exercised Herculean feats of love (as he does every day) by making allowance for my faults and forgiving me while he gently pushed me toward a better pattern.  My heart rate hasn't quite gone back to normal, but there are a few surfaces you can see now.

Thanks, sweetie.

Failure is my own loss...but I can start again!

Ok, so it only took 2 days before I missed posting. No surprise there. My engineer training says I should be consistent and orderly. My innate nature says, Meh... Just cause I failed doesn't mean I'm going to stop (though I will take a day off during the weekend). 

I missed out on posting here, but I also missed out on my own time before the Father.  We spend time together all day, but I love having that special time with Him.  It was a long day and by the end of it I didn't have energy to do anything but play spider solitaire.  The Bible Gateway verse for this morning was:

“The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.” Habakkuk 3:19 NIV

How true.  That time I spend with Him first thing gives me the energy to finish strong.  Without time with Him first thing, the day feels like one sucker punch after another.  Missing out means I miss out on the strength I need for the day.  Still, Lamentations 3: 22-24 says:

²² The Lord’s lovingkindnesses ^[a]indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
²⁴ “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”

I love that He allows new starts.  All or nothing thinking can keep you discouraged. It's a process.  I am so grateful for His new mercies because they mean that no matter how many times I fail, I can restart.
 
What are you consistently failing at that you can restart anew?  Is it a diet (me too!)  Is it an exercise plan  (me too!) 

The root of Godly power

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:17-19

Paul links power with understanding God's love.  It is the power to root down like a tree; the power to stand tall and strong, confident before all others; the power to see beyond pain and painful places to understand the unfathomable love of God that allows us freedom to cause each other pain.  He knows that without that freedom, we could not freely love each other.  It is the power to continue to overflow His love on others even when they spit on us.  It's the power to change diapers on a cruel parent in their old age.  It's the power to speak kindly and truthfully to your boss and friends, regardless of the outcome.  It's the power to love your husband, even if he never comes back.

The Christian life can't be lived without that power.  We can look moral but we will just come off as fake and religious.  When it really gets into us--beyond just knowledge, but into the core of our being--we begin to act in His unmistakable love, and that will make all the difference. 

Fully alive, made in God's image

"The glory of God is man fully alive, and the life of man is the vision of God."--Saint Irenaeus

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Gen. 1:26

"How deep the Father's Love for us/How vast beyond all measure/that He should give his only Son/to make a wretch His treasure."--Stewart Townend
"I just showed up/for my own life/and I'm standing here taking it in/and it sure looks bright."--Sara Groves

This practice of feeling before God is wonderful and painful, but it beats the alternative.  Life is painful.  It's easy to want to avoid that pain, but the alternative is death: a hollowed out existence like the sound of a calliope ever circling and going nowhere.  It is clear that God didn't see Adam as the final version of who He made man to become or He would not desire that we become conformed to the image of Christ.  Jesus was known as a "man of sorrows, aquainted with grief," yet it was He, "who for the JOY set before Him, endured the cross."  The two emotions are inextricably linked.  It took tremendous pain to get to that joy.  It always will for us as well.  We could not become like Him without that pain.

Feel it. There is joy beyond.




 

Morning Manna

I have neglected this blog for far too long.  As with morning manna, the Lord has promised if I stop and speak with Him every morning, He will provide what I need for the day.  He has reminded me that if I don't stop, I miss out.  This morning, I believe He is extending that to this place.  He has manna for you too (and please go to Him first to receive from His hand) but He gives overflow for me to give away if I will patiently go and pick it up each morning.  As with the Israelite's manna, it may not be there later and it will spoil if kept to the next day, so I'm going to try to bring it to you, even if it is small, each day. 
I have always loved thoughts.  Some kids go around the house humming or beating on things or zooming their little cars.  I played (and prayed) with ideas: 

• Why are we here? 
• Why are we so blessed? 
• What is our purpose and meaning?

I have sung and played and taught but it has still been only a venue for the innumerable thoughts that hum continually through my head.  Some teach, some minister through music.  I guess thinking is just what I do.  He often directs my thoughts, like a playground coach--sending me here and there to find the most precious jewels. 

This week as a part of my time with Him, He has required me to sit and feel.  I'll admit it's a new practice for me.  Mostly it has been a time to feel what I haven't wanted to feel, so it hurts a bit, but I feel so much lighter for the rest of the day.  It is delightful sweetness to feel it in His presence.  He tells me that my pain is precious to Him and that He holds all of our tears in a bottle. 

Try it for yourself.  I'd love to hear what He does with you...

I'm not every woman...

Ok, I've really done it to myself now...I'm in 3 different studies (I started the year with 6...) and this is the current topic for each:
Downpour:  Self in the dust, a picture of repentance
In Christ's Image Training:  Humility
Celebrate Recovery's 12 step program:  Powerlessness
Sense a theme here?  It gets worse.  I recently picked up the new CD from Sara Groves, Invisible Empires and one of my favorite tracks is an intentional slam on Chaka Kahn's I'm Every Woman...
I'm NOT every woman/It's not all in me/I'm proud and guarded/When it comes to my needs
Try to keep the whole thing rolling/Try to keep an on-time train/This frenatic fascination's/
really driving me insane
Anybody feel that?
The song is titled "Finite" and it perfecly sums up what God is speaking into my life right now.  God isn't interested in making a better me.  He's interested in making Himself in me.  C.S. Lewis put it this way:
Imagine turning a tin soldier into a real little man. It would involve turning the tin into flesh. And suppose the tin soldier did not like it. He is not interested in flesh; all he sees is that the tin is being spoiled. He thinks you are killing him. He will do everything he can do to prevent you. He will not be made into a man if he can help it. The real Son of God is at your side. He is beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself; He is beginning, so to speak, to 'inject' His kind of life and thought, his Zoe, (spiritual life) into you; beginning to turn the tin soldier into a live man. The part of you that does not like it is the part that is still tin.

It's my job to admit failure early--as early as possible--and run quickly to my real source for His strength.  We work together, but I have nothing of lasting value to contribute.  I can only offer my availability and a desire to become like Him.  Even in scripture, the only thing we are permitted to boast in is that we know the Lord. 
It's hard to give up self-sufficiency, but absolutely necessary if our lives are to count for anything.  Even I Corinthians 3 talks about building with gold, silver or costly stones--no one builds anything out of that kind of material, at least not if he's building for himself.  And that's probably the point: we're not trying to build our own kingdoms from materials we can supply.  We're building His kingdom and the materials will have to be of His supply for it to be worthy of Him and able to withstand the fire.

The God Who Can't Bear to Part With You

There are so many things that are awesome about God.  People often talk about His creative power as an amazing thing, and I suppose it is.  Last week I saw a video where the author was again telling about the vastness of the universe, the uncontrollability of the weather and the intricacies of the human body.  For some reason, this time, it felt like Isaiah in the cave with the wind and the earthquake and the fire (I Kings 19)...All were amazing, but the Lord was not in them and I was not impressed. 

Later that night, as I laid myself down to sleep, there came a still small thought--not a voice, per se, as the thought came fully formed without the need of words.  When God created us in His image, he chose to make us eternal like He is.  The amazing thought was that He loves us so much that He could not bear to ever be parted from us.  I remembered what a heartache it was to lose my first dog, Sara, even though she was old and it was time for her to go.   I remembered as a child losing my Grandfather that I loved and the ache of His passing is just as real today, 37 years later.  I still ache for the 6 children I lost before they were even born and I long for the day I will see them again because I miss them so much. 

It may be that when He breathed life into Adam, that life could be nothing but eternal, but it is also true that as much as loss hurts us, it infinately hurts the infinite heart of God.  Indeed, it was worth the sacrifice of His own Son to reconcile us eternally to Himself. 

A few days later, my friend Miki, pointed out that if that is the case, then the rejection He faces from those who choose themselves over Him must also be immense.  He obviously prefers us to come to Him willingly over forcing us to do so, though that may also be a consequence of being made in His image.  It must mean that to love infinately means the risk of love lost infinately as well, and yet He believes it is worth it. 

Amazing...