Giving and Gratitude

Every year our office provides Christmas gifts for children from the Deveraux organization here in Central Florida. Last night was the Christmas party where we got to give out the gifts we had all so carefully selected for our adopted kids. The girl I pulled this year loved gospel music and crafts so it was an absolute hoot to pick out things for her. I found makeup, a jewelery making kit, watercolor pencils and some really cool clothes. I also included a modern version Bible and a Winnie the Pooh journal and wrote in it describing how I would prayer journal with my Friend. She had written that she loved Winnie the Pooh.

This is the first year I've gone to the party. Our office manager mentioned that the kids often look around for who the gift was from so I wanted to be there for her. Kate and I went and we had a blast.

When I met the child I sponsored, it was a delight. I remember being 14--the acne, the friends, the joys, the struggles. I noticed that she was limping a bit during the night and her counselor told me that it was from a suicide attempt earlier this year. My heart both soared and sank. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts starting at age 10. For the longest time I thought everyone did. I know the constant war that goes on and the struggle she will face, probably for the rest of her life. She's in good hands there, but it was even more of a reminder of where I've come from and where the Lord has taken me. Still, my heart breaks for her pain because I have known it well.

One of the words the Lord has given me for the year is Joy. I'm not sure what that will mean, but I'm looking forward to finding out. I know my Friend has been there through all of the past pain. He will be with her for all of her current pain and he will provide Joy at His right hand. In His presence, there is the fullness of Joy and I am grateful for that continual presence.

Halloween parenting...

I hate Halloween--I hate everything it stands for. I hate the position it puts me in. I hate the temptation and the sugar rush (ok, I love the sugar rush--but I'd like to be able to get into my jeans).

PJ again asked me why he couldn't go around with his friends tonight. We made that call several years ago and PJ has been content with his own "give a treat" tradition--his idea. This year, it was more about going around with friends than anything else, which makes my heart hurt. On our weekly shopping trip we talked again about making choices between honoring the high holiday of our enemy or remaining loyal to our Father and Friend and trusting Him to provide. We talked about all the lack we've never experienced and that God is faithful and trustworthy and will honor those who honor Him. It still felt hollow, I'll admit, regardless of how much I trust my Friend to provide. A fun time with friends is hard for me to turn down, regardless of the occaision.

We had been trying to make it to Awana at a neighborhood church for several weeks and this seemed like as good an opportunity as any, so I piled a pouting PJ in the car and left for church. When our pastor friend walked us in, one of the adults from PJ's school immediately recognized him and gave him a truly warm welcome. He had a great time and memorized 4 Bible verses. Not only that, they walked around all of the classes in their own candy give-away.

I don't know that PJ noticed, but he probably got more candy and connected with more people there than if he had gone out with the neighbors. It was well worth the trip.

Thanks, Lord! You came through on the promise I made my son that You would honor those who honor you. It's one thing to come through on promises to me--Coming through for my son means even more to me and to his fledgling faith. There truly are none like You.

God winks...

This has been a month of secret winks from the Holy Spirit.

You know the scenario...It's the climax of the movie. The hero and damsel are tied up in an old warehouse with the villain about to complete his catastrophic evil-doing. Suddenly, the hero winks at the heroine as you see that he is not only free, but now has the upper hand. The day is all but saved and the obligatory fist-fight hasn't even started.

As you get to know someone intimately you begin to share little names, secret phrases or inside jokes that have meaning to you because of the history you share. The month started out on a fairly critical note, with minute failures and simple mistakes blowing up with cataclysmic impacts. The wrong printout gets used wrongly and the resulting conclusions cause everyone great embarrassment. Then we were submitting a large proposal for a multi-year contract only to find that key parts of the text were printed withoutanyspacesbetweenthewords (aaaakkk!!!)

Still, as I turned the proposal in to the jurisdiction (with a heavy heart) something surprising happened--God winked. How he winked is between us, but suffice it to say that no one else would have ever noticed, but it was as obvious to me as a neon billboard flashing in front of my nose. Then later in the process, He did it again. I had no idea what the result would be for all of our prayer and effort, but I knew with utter certainty that His Hand was in action and it would not be long before something amazing happened. Several people said things that could have discouraged me as we prepared for the face to face interviews, but I couldn't erase the impact of that secret communication. My heart rested in complete trust. In the end, we scored as high as we possibly could have and won a space in the contract--my very first interview in my entire career and my very first win.

I get the feeling that our Heavenly Father is constantly trying to communicate His boundless love and His power to intervene on our behalf. I am so grateful for the years that we have come to know each other well and that we have little secrets between us. It has been worth every minute.

He's waiting to share His secrets with you too.

The change of the year

I love the way our holidays mark the end of the year. Thanksgiving provides an opportunity to review with gratitude what has happened through the year. December is a series of parties, events, gift-giving--all focused on connecting and reconnecting with the people around us. Christmas reminds us about Emmanuel--God with Us, regardless of what the commercialism does. This leaves us with a full week to reorder our thoughts, usually away from the pressures of work, and prepare for the year to come.

As I look back, I see that this has been a remarkably difficult year for us yet God is faithful and I am at peace (though that could be partly the anti-depressant--better living through chemistry!) For the first time in my life I truly trust God. So often in the past we would have a crisis and I would get to the breaking point where I would finally, stubbornly, trust God and He would come through. I've been there for a long time now. I'm learning the dichotomy acting as I rest in Him. It is frighting sometimes but I dwell with Him and that is enough.

PJ got braces today. He was not happy at all. Several times a day he comes up to vehemently avow his love and devotion to me, but for the first time today he asked me point blank, "Do you love me?" I could see that he was struggling with a mom that says and acts like she loves him but puts braces on him anyway. Surprisingly, I didn't feel the least bit hurt by the question--I understood where it came from. I always wondered if God understood when I needed reassurance or felt hurt because I still didn't trust Him. It is even more comforting to me to now understand first-hand how that works.

Thanks, Lord...

When brothers dwell together in unity

We had several questions last week about why people should pray out loud at all so we decided to tackle that issue head on in our group Sunday night. What emerged from that meeting was such a treat! We've been working through some chapters in Ben Patterson's book, The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms and this week we were in Ps. 133. The author opened the chapter talking about the first time he really knew that God loved him so we took some time to talk about the first time we each figured that out. In the author's life it was a time when he was in a really rich fellowship of believers and was being loved in community. That's kinda where our group is right now too.

When you look up the word "shaken" in Acts, you find out that God shook the place three times in that book, and all three times were when believers were praying in unity, "in one accord." So, I posited that it was hard for us to pray "in one accord" if we can't hear what each other is praying. That's partly true, but God showed the other part too. One person told about times in prayer meetings when someone started praying exactly what he and someone else were thinking at the same time. I'm sure I've had that happen too.

Yesterday, my day was disrupted by a sick kid. When we went to the pediatrician's office, I discovered that the purpose for being there was not to care for my child, but to care for my pediatrician--a fellow prayer warrior. The answer to her need for understanding came out of conversations I'd had with another friend last week--conversations where God was clearly steering our thoughts and hearts. As I called my friend later that evening to tell her what God had done through that conversation, I was again astounded by her faith and maturity. I realized that as I comforted her in her crises, it was not the same kind of comfort I would have given someone who has no hope or has no ability to walk in hope. She really had the capacity to allow herself to be strong despite the circumstances because of the hope that had come from perserverance in her trials. James 1:4 tells us that "Perserverance must finish its work so we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I thought I'd never see that kind of saint. I thought I'd never be that kind of saint.

In reality, I'm not that kind of saint, at least not by myself, and neither is she. Together, with the Father, we are complete--not lacking anything. I guess Faith truly is a team sport.

Go team!

God's intervention in Chance, part II

I promised I would provide an update on the results of the challenge last week to accept all things as filtered through God's hand. Here goes:

Dennis and Karen were delayed on their trip home from her dad's house and missed (potentially) being in any one of three major accidents on the turnpike. Had they left on time, they would have been in real danger.

Lori got final word that she does, in fact, have breast cancer. I went with her yesterday to visit the surgeon. About 6 months ago, her bloodhound nearly ripped that one off of her chest jumping for a toy. Had she not followed up on the injury when she got her job back, they might not have found the cancer for quite awhile. The dog has probably saved her life. Lori tends to stay by herself most of the time and has been deeply injured in the past as she ministered in other churches. We got to talk about it for quite awhile last night. She and her family are ready and eager to get back to serving, and our group is well equipped to support her through this time.

Gail spent most of last week at Mayo Clinic with Charlie. He had a liver transplant 18 months ago and got pneumonia last week. Her post this morning was precious: "My mind is at peace. Charlie is doing great, I am at home, and all is right with my world. Praise the Lord for another awesome day!"

I had almost no work to do last week and ended up reading legislation all week. By the end of the week I wrote a plan that, if implemented, could completely change the entire structure of our communities throughout Florida. I have plenty of people around me that can get the plan press and we'll see what the Lord does from here.

As I talked with Lori last night, we talked about whether our group could even grow with people like all of us in it. Somehow, the Father was able to say through me that we would grow, but not in the same way as most. Most people would be overwhelmed by our lives--a typical suburban Christian wouldn't have an idea how to deal with families with Down syndrome, schizophrenia, liver transplants, unmarried daughters with disabled grandchildren, breast cancer, dysfunctional marriages, jobs slowly disappearing, etc. These are ordinary things for us. We have learned much about depending on God through suffering and have overcome much. We don't like the suffering, but love the fruit.

Later that night, the Father redirected me to Big Lots to get some supplies for our families and I ran into a clerk there that is dealing with a 31 year old son with suicidal bipolar. She and her husband have been depending on the Lord all by themselves. I realized that this is how we will grow--and quickly invited her to join us. Our group may not be for everyone, but we would each bury most other groups anyway--we are too heady a crowd.

Life is hard, but God is good.

God and chance

Our Sunday night group was ready for a break, so we had movie night--One Night with the King--the story of Esther. I'm no movie critic, but I enjoy a great love story, especially one with so much political intrigue. Seizing on the teaching opportunity, afterward we talked about how Esther is the one book of the Bible that the name of God is not mentioned, though He walks through every page. To this day, the feast of Purim, which celebrates this event, is traditionally enjoyed with lots of sweets and gambling. The point of the gambling is that God rules over all the events of men--especially chance occurrences.

Proverbs 16:33 tells us "The Lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is of the Lord." The lot was roughly equivalent to dice. Einstein refused to believe that God would roll dice. He just failed to see that the table was rigged by God himself. I have often thought that Creationists have too small a God. The thought that we come from randomness has always been horrifying to Christians because it implies that the Hand of God no longer controls. It is in the very randomness of the universe that God's control is most easily seen. Colossians 1:17 tells us that "He is before all things and God holds all things together." Who is it that ensures that atoms don't fly apart?--God. Who is it that guarantees that a quarter will fall on heads half the time if you throw it an infinite number of times?--Again, He tells us that He does that Himself. God's control over all things, even randomness, is in stark contrast to our lack of control, and we should glorify Him for that.

The challenge this week to our group was to accept everything that happens this week as being filtered through the Hand of God, "who works all things together for good to those who are the called according to His purpose," and look for the good that He brings. Not all things that happen are good, but God promises to make all things good. The chief example of this is the cross--where He "disarmed the powers and authorities, (and) he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." (Col 2:15) I've already had some odd things happen this week--I'll keep you posted on what the group brings back next week.