Ok, this is one I really struggle with.
My husband and I took Love Language tests years ago and although I am multi-lingual, his primary love language is acts of service. That means it really touches his heart when I serve him well. Unfortunately for him, I've always been a better engineer than housewife. At the moment, my dust bunnies are approaching the size of real bunnies.
I've tried to shower John with the words of affection I deeply desire. No impact. I have sat beside him for hours playing online games with him. Nothing. I've tried finding gifts he'd like. He complains about me spending money. I've scratched his back for hours on end. That makes a dent, but only just...
I'm still trying. Right now, the intoxicating fragrance of baking bread is wafting through the house. I'm about to go fold another load of laundry. The kitchen is still cluttered, but there are clear counters in most locations and they shine. The sink is shiny too. I'm going to keep trying. It's the best I can do. I could beat myself up, but I John 3 also says:
(v.20) If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
I know if I keep at it, My Father sees and He will reward me. He knows how far I've come and how far I have to go. In the end, He's the only one that matters anyway.
And the bread is really yummy with home-made blackberry jelly.