Ok, I've really done it to myself now...I'm in 3 different studies (I started the year with 6...) and this is the current topic for each:
Downpour: Self in the dust, a picture of repentance
In Christ's Image Training: Humility
Celebrate Recovery's 12 step program: Powerlessness
Sense a theme here? It gets worse. I recently picked up the new CD from Sara Groves, Invisible Empires and one of my favorite tracks is an intentional slam on Chaka Kahn's I'm Every Woman...
I'm NOT every woman/It's not all in me/I'm proud and guarded/When it comes to my needs
Try to keep the whole thing rolling/Try to keep an on-time train/This frenatic fascination's/
really driving me insane
Anybody feel that?
The song is titled "Finite" and it perfecly sums up what God is speaking into my life right now. God isn't interested in making a better me. He's interested in making Himself in me. C.S. Lewis put it this way:
Imagine turning a tin soldier into a real little man. It would involve turning
the tin into flesh. And suppose the tin soldier did not like it. He is not
interested in flesh; all he sees is that the tin is being spoiled. He thinks you
are killing him. He will do everything he can do to prevent you. He will not be
made into a man if he can help it. The real Son of God is at your side. He is
beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself; He is beginning,
so to speak, to 'inject' His kind of life and thought, his Zoe, (spiritual life)
into you; beginning to turn the tin soldier into a live man. The part of you
that does not like it is the part that is still tin.
It's my job to admit failure early--as early as possible--and run quickly to my real source for His strength. We work together, but I have nothing of lasting value to contribute. I can only offer my availability and a desire to become like Him. Even in scripture, the only thing we are permitted to boast in is that we know the Lord.
It's hard to give up self-sufficiency, but absolutely necessary if our lives are to count for anything. Even I Corinthians 3 talks about building with gold, silver or costly stones--no one builds anything out of that kind of material, at least not if he's building for himself. And that's probably the point: we're not trying to build our own kingdoms from materials we can supply. We're building His kingdom and the materials will have to be of His supply for it to be worthy of Him and able to withstand the fire.