This month I've been learning about hearing God (that's good since I'll be teaching on it in two months). I thought I had this down, but I'm realizing that just hearing Him is not enough. Tonight, I got an e-mail devotional that included this little gem:
"He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever He promises. And because of Abraham's faith, God counted him as righteous." Romans 4: 21-22
Ouch. When our dog,Cindy, died, God specifically told me as I drove away from the Vet, that He would take care of her. There isn't anything in the Bible that says He would or wouldn't. It meant a lot to me at that moment, but I just couldn't bring myself to rely on His Rhema because I didn't have the logos, even though I knew His character is honest and that He cares about the things that touch my heart. I would like to say that I couldn't trust that I had heard right, but I don't know that it would be truthful. I heard Him loud and clear but it didn't make it better. I want to think I am "fully convinced" but I'm not always there especially when its important to me.
I have been able to trust that He will take care of us as I lost my job and started a new business. I've had emotional ups and downs, but mostly I've been excited to see what He's doing. Maybe we're just used to crisis. Maybe I'm just being optimistic and idealistic. Maybe I'm just used to over-functioning when things go wrong and you can't really do anything about a losing a dog. You just hurt. Maybe I know that God will have a plan that will bring Himself glory through what happens to me and it's hard to see how a dog's life or death would be of any interest to Him.
I can say, after the experiences of this month, I know what touches us touches Him and He is far bigger and more careful than I am. Maybe it just takes time to learn trust. I envy Abraham, but I'll admit he was older than I am and maybe it's just something you learn with time. I hope so.