"Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is real and that he rewards those who truly want to find him." Hebrews 11:6 (ICB)Over the last few weeks, God has been pushing me on my definition of belief. We talk about belief as this crucial thing in faith--and it is, but what does that mean? I see a lot of people (including myself at times) that "believe" that God is real, but live their lives in a tacit atheism, complicated by worry, fear, and lonliness. If we "believe in God" shouldn't that make a difference?
First, let me say that we're all a work in progress and I'm not condemning anyone for their belief or lack of it. I've known--in my deepest heart and the chatter of my mind--that God is real from the time I was little. I can't remember a time that Jesus wasn't an ongoing partner in the running conversation that floods my mind continually. When I left for college, I went to Him and asked if it was ok for me to question His existence in this season of my life. He laughed. (It was pretty funny.)
That being said, worry and dread have also been a part of my life for just as long. What I'm beginning to understand is that believing in His existence is not enough. There's two parts to faith. We also have to believe that He rewards those who diligently seek Him. We have to believe He is for us and not against us, and not just in a "good for you," "take your vitamins," kind of way. I've said, and believed, that God is more interested in your holiness than your happiness, and I suppose that is true, but it leaves out the fact that God is interested in your holiness because it will lead to true joy.
Jesus said, "What parent will give their son a stone when they ask for bread?" If God is a good Father, then he should care deeply about our character development. What parent doesn't? We want our kids to grow up to be wise and strong, full of integrity. Yes, that is partly selfish because it reflects well on us, but that is the smaller part. Mostly we want our kids to grow up to be good people because it will allow them to grow into all they were meant to be--and that will bring them and everyone around them great joy. I didn't want PJ to be weighed down by selfishness, anxiety, pettiness, or any other character defect because I knew that it would make him miserable. His misery would break my heart.
Our misery breaks God's heart too. As long as we believe that He only cares about making us better people, we will see Him as a task-master or dictator. When we deeply understand His profound love for us, it reshapes everything. He can give us good things and we can thank Him for them without wondering what's the catch. We can trust that He is working all things together for our good, even when the things around us are not good at all. We can seek Him every morning, because His mercies are new every morning. We can rest in His lovingkindness--His loyal, abundant, overflowing love--and our expectation of His kindness honors Him.
Forgive me, Father, for the times I have suspected Your motives were less than loving and your expectations for me were only frustration and disappointment. I choose to believe that You are good and that You love me. I choose to look at every circumstance in my life with an expectation of Your rescue and tender care. I choose to thank You for every beauty, every joy, every success in my life. I choose to see them as Our work together that You have enabled for my good, Our delight, and Your glory. Align my experience with that belief.
